Well, I'll start. 

I moved to Houston a couple of years ago for work.  It has been a great experience.  I've met some good people and have had some good times. It was honestly the best decision I've ever made. I was in a not so good place mentally back home.  I felt complacent and unfulfilled.  Hence, why I abandoned this bad boy. I knew I had to get out of my comfort zone and step out on faith.  It worked!

I got in a whole ass relationship a little after moving here. It lasted about a year, and we split on mutual terms. He's still my nigga.  Just not "my nigga"...although sometimes that bastard thinks he is. It was honestly my first adult relationship.  If you don't know, I'm 27 (28 next month). He showed me how a grown man is supposed to love and care for you and I appreciate the shit out of him for it. He has set the bar for any future prospects. We just couldn't work.  However, his purpose in my life as a lover was fulfilled. 

I'm still not quite out. I know, I know...it's getting old.  Hell, how you think I feel? However, I find myself being more open about my sexuality to some people.  It might be because I'm in a new city with new people. My hometown is small. Everyone knows everyone and their business. Don't miss that shit at all. 

I've discovered the beauty of a magical green plant. WHAT TOOK ME SO LONG?!?!?!?

Not sure if any of the old guys are still around. Hope so!

Slightly High Randomness

1. I'm single, and I fucking enjoy it.  It hasn't always been that way, but I the older I get the more I appreciate having this time to myself.  I have been out of a relationship around a year now.  And yes, I miss him and I miss having the companionship and would like to have that again. However, I'm not losing sleep over it.

I don't understand how so many people fail to realize you can be both happily single, but still want a relationship. For example, it is 1:30 in the morning and I am in my pj's sitting at my computer after finishing a blunt. (Yes, I've found the light of good green)  Life cannot get any better. Would I prefer to share this time with a dope as dude? Yes. Do I feel empty for incomplete because of the lack of one? Fuck no. I date around a little and have good conversations with potential guys. I have friends and a fulfilling job. Many of us seem to think the term single and lonely are interchangeable...negative.


2. Why is it so hard for some dudes to just come through and drop the dick off and go home? What's with the extra shit if I didn't ask for it? I'm a big boy, I'm an adult.  I know that sex does not automatically correlate to a relationship or any feelings other than pleasure.  However, I find that some guys feel the need to play into a role.  A role that involves selling dreams, pillow talk, and all that jazz.  If we are just screwing, I don't need or expect that.  I talked to a friend about it and he gave a decent perspective.

He said (in a nutshell) that many dudes feel the need to play into a sexual relationship being something more because they think that's what girls/bottoms need.  Men have been told the lie that women need to be emotionally invested for sex, and they project that same idea on to bottoms. They feel they have to lie to get the drawls. You just don't know how far you will get by just being honest, the other person could very well be into the same thing.  Maybe the last person acted a fool on your ass because you did all that extra shit making them think it was something more, when they were just fine fucking around. That's how you get fucked up.

3. I'm done with edibles. They are hit and miss with me, regardless of the advertised thc content.  I had what "supposed" to be a strong cookie once.  I'm not stranger to how they work, so I know it can kick in a various times.  However, this mothafucka did nothing more than a couple hits of reggie would have...after eating the WHOLE thing. Another time, I had a brownie that was maybe too potent because one small piece gave me a hell of a high I was not ready for.  I'm just gonna stick to my bong and blunts. I'm getting too old for this.

4. I despise vodka. I can barely smell it without getting nauseous. Give me a handle of Bourbon or whiskey and I'm straight. That being said, I wish people would stop taking offense to that shit.  I was at a kick back (house party) a few months back and was offered a drink made with vodka and I declined. I, along with other people had came with a bottle of our preferred spirit. Shout out to Maker's Mark. You would've thought I called this girl's mother a bald headed bitch when I said "No thank you, I don't drink Vodka." Excuse the fuck out of me. Take that Taaka somewhere else please.

Sex? Maybe just a little.....

Okay, try to follow me.  I’m giving a disclaimer: This wording is about to be horrible.  I have a lot of thoughts on this issue/topic…and will attempt to put them in some kind of order.

I think that parental influence/teaching transcends sexuality.  More specifically, I have taken things I have learned from my father and applied them to guys.  Unlike many young men, I was NEVER taught that a boy was supposed to go out and fuck around with as many girls as possible.  I was taught that your body is precious and regardless of your situation you should treat it as such. I even witnessed my dad, while single, not live a promiscuous lifestyle.  His lecturing was rarely religion based, but he did go into details of soul-ties and all of that.  The horrible reality of STD’s and pregnancy were drilled in me.  This type of mindset is more traditionally enforced for girls, more so than guys.  But my point is, all this shit my dad has instilled in my head still sticks with me through all of this DL shit.

Let’s just keep it real and cut the bullshit, the DL/gay community is extremely, overtly sexual. We tend to promote and celebrate casual/recreational sex, orgies, open relationships, and even random hook ups.  Ya’ll know I’m not lying, so I don’t want to hear it.  Of course, I don’t mean ALL gay/DL men, but a vast majority of us.  I’ve mentioned various times on how I don’t really understand the exaggerated sexual life of men who like men.   I’m not one to judge, because we all know I’m no saint.  I can still count all of my sexual partners on my two hands (with a finger or two left) but I’m no virgin and I have not been in committed relationships with all of my sexual partners.  However, I think I consider sex a less casual act than many guys.

Although I am my own person, and lord knows I have rebelled against a lot of my dad’s teachings….I can’t help but “blame” him for it.  Even though I have been exposed to this overtly sexual lifestyle, I have not fell victim to the pressure.  I have literally had people tell me something is wrong with me because I’m not constantly on these hook-up sites and apps. I’ve even had a guy who didn’t want to get to know me because I wasn’t into having threesomes in a relationship…he couldn’t believe I wasn’t down for it.  I don’t see what the big deal is with grindr, jackd, A4A, etc.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve used them all…but didn’t really get the thrill.  Hell, I used to think I was weird for not enjoying the “hook-up” culture of the DL world.  It’s like I just can’t shake everything my dad has preached about.  I mean, dick is good….but constant dick is better.  The oddest part is, I don’t judge or think negatively about anyone who does participate in the casual sex/hook-up life style.  If anything, I get upset when people judge them. I just can’t get jiggy with it. 

I hate to sound preachy and hypocritical, but this was on my mind.  

So.....

Hey and shit.

So I have a few questions?

1.  Is it wrong to fuck around on a fuckbuddy without letting them know?

2.  Can two people get back together after a break up?  Or should that shit be let go.

3.  Why are women so annoying?  I would get so much more pussy if I could stand being around a bitch for more than 15 mins?

4.  If you aren''t in a relationship, should I tell a fuck buddy (a guy) that I've been having sex with a woman?

Too many questions, not enough answers.
(Update Coming up)

Closets and Shit.....

So, to go ahead and beat the dead ass horse...this closet shit is exhausting. But I enjoy the shit out of it.  I'm weird.

Recently I was wondering why.  Why am I, and other people, in the closet/dl....or whatever the fuck you desire to refer to it as.  What is the cause of this lifestyle.  First off, I'm not referring to being homo/bisexual. I'm referring to the the way in which you live your life, in the closet or out. My personal belief is that you are indeed born with your sexuality. However, dealing with your sexuality is a choice.  But why though? Is it a personal thing, or is it a societal force. Is my being in a closet really because I want to, or because I don't feel comfortable with society knowing.

It's hard to put into words, but I hope you get the point.  My conflict stems from many things. For example, I'm super comfortable with my sexuality internally.  I know exactly who I want, and I'm no longer in denial.  I don't struggle with, or second guess my society.  You know how many people go through a tough phase when dealing with/coming to terms with their sexuality...I didn't.  I was literally on the school bus on the way home in the eighth grade. I had known I had an attraction to dudes, and just came to terms with it one day like "Oh, I like guys...cool, whatever."  An that's literally how my coming to terms with my sexuality happened.

Even though I knew what I liked, I also knew these muhfuckas around here were not cool with it. For those of you that don't know, I live in the DEEP, DEEP south.  These conservative country bastards are very anti-gay.  I heard so much negative shit about being gay/bi I knew I would never want anybody to know.  I know many of the out people say shit like "If you were truly comfortable, you wouldn't be in the closet.'  First off, we all know that's bullshit.  As stated many times, everybody's situation is not the same...and coming out for some could actually be dangerous and detrimental. However, I often wonder if I was living in another place with different people around me, would I feel differently.  Will I be out of the closet?  Will I share my sexuality with social media and be out at work? I want to think not.  But, I honestly don't know.  I am a very private person, even in things that don't involve love and relationships....and have been since like the second grade according to my dad.  However, I am extremely comfortable with my sexuality and have never understood why it was such a big deal.

So if you are in the closet,  why are you truly in the closet? And if the situation was different, do you think you would be out?