Recently I was wondering why. Why am I, and other people, in the closet/dl....or whatever the fuck you desire to refer to it as. What is the cause of this lifestyle. First off, I'm not referring to being homo/bisexual. I'm referring to the the way in which you live your life, in the closet or out. My personal belief is that you are indeed born with your sexuality. However, dealing with your sexuality is a choice. But why though? Is it a personal thing, or is it a societal force. Is my being in a closet really because I want to, or because I don't feel comfortable with society knowing.
It's hard to put into words, but I hope you get the point. My conflict stems from many things. For example, I'm super comfortable with my sexuality internally. I know exactly who I want, and I'm no longer in denial. I don't struggle with, or second guess my society. You know how many people go through a tough phase when dealing with/coming to terms with their sexuality...I didn't. I was literally on the school bus on the way home in the eighth grade. I had known I had an attraction to dudes, and just came to terms with it one day like "Oh, I like guys...cool, whatever." An that's literally how my coming to terms with my sexuality happened.
Even though I knew what I liked, I also knew these muhfuckas around here were not cool with it. For those of you that don't know, I live in the DEEP, DEEP south. These conservative country bastards are very anti-gay. I heard so much negative shit about being gay/bi I knew I would never want anybody to know. I know many of the out people say shit like "If you were truly comfortable, you wouldn't be in the closet.' First off, we all know that's bullshit. As stated many times, everybody's situation is not the same...and coming out for some could actually be dangerous and detrimental. However, I often wonder if I was living in another place with different people around me, would I feel differently. Will I be out of the closet? Will I share my sexuality with social media and be out at work? I want to think not. But, I honestly don't know. I am a very private person, even in things that don't involve love and relationships....and have been since like the second grade according to my dad. However, I am extremely comfortable with my sexuality and have never understood why it was such a big deal.So if you are in the closet, why are you truly in the closet? And if the situation was different, do you think you would be out?
I've been comfortable with my sexuality since for ever. But like you, I know the society around me is not ready for me being out. Some of my friends might be, but not all of my family, and certainly not the laws here. But yes, I'm out to a few. Many, now that I think of it. I'm just not ready to tell the world. Or more correctly, my world is not ready to hear it yet.
ReplyDeleteI think it was around...11th grade, when I officially lost my V-Card, that I fully came to terms with my sexuality. But that's just the first step. I'm at a time in my life where I feel like it's time to come out, but, as the guy above my comment just said, my world is not ready to hear it yet. In all honesty, there are only a few people that I am afraid of coming out to because I know it would disappoint them and/or cause some backlash. But there's this really big FUCK IT sign in my brain right now that wants to just...get it over with, ya know?
ReplyDelete-_Cogito
If your sexuality is no big deal, then why not say you like guys? Most people who know you have already figured it out, or do not care, so long as you are good with whatever.. Those who do judge? Fuck them. You don't care who they sleep with. Why should it be any different for you?
ReplyDeleteI'm out to some people and not to others because I'm not that close to them. Im not out at work cuz im there to work. If the world finds out fuck it. I pay my own bills. Immanuel at www.dlconfessionssequel.com.
ReplyDeletePeople are not that naive. They often figure it out after awhile even if you never orally confirm it. Especially, if you fit certain stereotypes and/or never discuss your personal life or interest in the opposite sex. I'm 45 and I refuse to confirm for family, friends or coworkers only because I really don't see a need to.......IMHO!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jay. I'm not the most masculine man so some people assume & the people that know me well, know I've never introduced them to a girl or even known of me dating, so in my mind the "already know" but i haven't confirmed it. I don't feel I need to. Do str8 people confirm they like the opposite sex? Fuck no! So with that being said, neither should I. If I'm comfortable with you & feel I can trust you, then I'll tell you, other than that, I dont feel the need to tell.
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