Single.....

Can I go back to this shit? Seriously....

Things with D have been going....how do I say...rocky.  Sometimes I just can't deal with being with somebody. He's understanding and all that shit, but that dude has a breaking point. He hasn't said anything about it, but I know him...I can feel it.  But I just can't seem to get right about somethings.  And it has been a long time....I should be over it.  I push his ass away sometimes, act like I don't care if he leaves...all that shit. I gotta do better.  And it has me wondering, what if I'm single again.

I almost forgot how to do it.  I mean, I'm used to him...he's the biggest part of my day. He's a good dude and I love him...but I keep blocking shit.  It goes back to an old post of mine (not sure of which one) where I talked about the gay ultimatum.  You know, at some point you have to make a decision-either go gay or go straight.  And I let that shit get in the way.   I always feel like I'm in too deep and eventually it's gonna have to end...regardless of how we feel about each other. I know it's not set in stone, and he has never mentioned it...but it's like a defense mechanism. Damn I hate my sexuality sometimes.  I would rather just be asexual.  Fuck it all. 

Copy Cat

Quick question for any of you that know...

Can I protect what I write?  I mean, I know this shit isn't much...but i would hate if someone took my words and put it somewhere else.  So, Like can I copyright this shit?

Dating and shit?

Ya'll muhfuckas be dating and shit?

Seriously, do you?  And by date, I mean REAL dates. I'm not talking about the "come over and chill" bullshit.  I'm referring to the pick me up/meet me at 8 and we're gonna go out to dinner/exhibit type dates.  I know this lifestyle is supposed to be sexually charged, but damn.  I was thinking about it after hearing some girls at work talking about going on real dates with the guys around here.  While I was surprised that they are actually being taken out on REAL dates, I was a little discouraged to realize I've only maybe been on 2.

I was thinking, maybe it's because I don't date girls anymore, therefore I haven't had a reason to go on one. Then, I quickly realized I've still been dating... but I've been dating guys.  There really isn't a difference. Regardless if you're with man/woman you should still date. Go out some damn where. Fuck all this "chilling" shit we are our own worst enemy. It's no secret that guy on guy relationships have the worst reputation in the dating world.  Like I've mentioned before, it's all so damn sex crazed.  Which is cool, by all means...do you.  But we have to take this shit serious if we expect the rest of the world to. 

I go on dates with my dude, always have to be honest.  We met at his place the first time and went out.  Even though he "has me"  we still do it.  We'll go to the art exhibits downtown (D is a nerd at heart), the outside mall/promenade, New Orleans for the weekend, etc.  This is part of the reason why I don't want to lose his ass.  Too many guys aren't gonna do the same.  So I may just have to go back to pussy full time....

Does it all stay the same?????

I have been known to have a lot of "Fuck It" in my system. Sometimes when it's necessary and sometimes it's too much.  I know it's not always the best to not give a lot of fucks, but I can't help it.  I was tested with this earlier this week.

I have an old friend (not fuck buddy/boo thing)  who is bisexual and he was one of my only gay/bi/dl friends, best friends really. We haven't really been close in a while due to him doing some fuck shit that I just couldn't forget enough to continue with the same friendship.  We had mutual friends, and we all live in different places now.  And after getting together with my big bro "Donny" when he came in town,  who knows him and lives in the same city...I heard some disturbing shit.   He was a little hesitant before telling me, but he finally spilled the beans.  My old friend (let's call him "Mikey) has been out there tricking off.  And by tricking off, I mean selling his body parts and sexual favors for money.  I couldn't believe that shit.  Honestly, it's not something I would have put past him...but not something I have ever though of him realistically doing.  I was immediately scared for him.  For the past couple of years my attitude towards Mikey has been "Fuck Him"...but now I feel he is in trouble.  I acted "hard" in front of Donny, like I didn't care and he deserves what ever he gets.  But in reality,  I rode back home in complete silence.  

Donny told me Mikey was advertising himself on various websites/phone apps and it was a CONSTANT thing.  He was offering services and wasn't mentioning protection.  It hurts, like seriously hurts.  Mikey is an extremely handsome, attractive guy who can probably have any guy he wants in a relationship.  I just don't know what would make him so desperate and what he can be going through to resort to having a fucking price list for "services".  I heard of this shit going on in the gay world,  but I never thought it would hit close to home. We come from similar families...HE DOESN'T HAVE TO DO THIS. His parents are more than able to help him, and they always have.  The last I remember, they had a great relationship.  

I just don't know what to do, if anything. I want to call him and help him somehow.  How?  I have no fucking clue.  But for one of the first times, the "fuck it" in my system is wearing off.  I feel like a horrible person, because I kinda threw him away after we had out disagreements and after he tried to work it out, I turned my back.  I don't know what to do.  Once again, excuse my random venting.  

I Ain't Shit....

There is just something about spontaneous sex that gives you a better not than the normal, planned shit.  And being with another guy just makes it that much fun/better. Sometimes when I get off work and out of class I want nothing more than to just be "taken".  SHIT!

Don't let the guy be waiting on you to get home, or you waiting on him to get home.  That build up makes for such a fucking experience.  You know I'm sneaky.  I'll start texting/sexting D freaky shit at 9 in the damn morning.  I want that dick hard all day.  I want that muhfucka to not think about shit all day but getting inside of me when he gets off work. Youh know how you start off with the "Good morning, have a good day" standard text...then the next thing you know you're sending a pic of you in some underwear.  He hates it, but loves it.  I will tease that bastard for 8 SOLID HOURS. Don't judge me.

One of the beautiful things about a relationship is what I like to call DOD...or Dick on Demand.  And when the guy is talented in that department, it makes it that much better.  For someone like me, whose sex drive is honestly not that high, when I want it...I WANT it. I send all that freaky shit and be at home waiting on him to get off work, ass clean and ready with no hesitation.  See, this is why I like dudes.  It's something about a man fresh off work, horny and wanting to take you down that I can't give up for a chick.  I've said it before, my black ass has to be able to submit to you....I don't like being in control all the time.

I'm actually in the middle of doing this right now.  I'm off work early and I am talking MAD SHIT in these text messages.  Come on 5 o'clock!!!!


 Yeah, I know I ain't shit.