My Q and A at "Black is Bootyful"

I did a little fun Q and A with fellow blogger Cogito over at Black is Bootyful!  Excellent blog and one of the reasons I started blogging myself.  If the super personal approach doesn't get you, the erection inducing pics will. LoL 

Go check it out, and you can get to know a little more about your boy.

Priorities Muhfucka, Priorities

(A little jealously is okay every now and then....right?)
One thing I don't understand for the life of me, is an adult that cannot balance friends and significant others.  It baffles me how some people can NEVER get the shit right.  I understand that starting something new takes practice and certain changes have to be made, however, there is a limit.  Yeah I know "friends were there before you got with them, and they will be there after".  I hate that bullshit.  While true, that phrase is super ambiguous.  It fails to mention that you should have a balance of priority between the friends/family and your partner.

I have friends and I have romantic relationships.  I'm not perfect at balancing them both at any means.  But then again, who is?  However, I like to think I do a good job at it.  I at least make an attempt to make it equal.  Is it too much to ask to have a little reciprocity in this matter?  Sly is ridiculously bad at this shit.  In his case it is his god-forsaken cousin  These two muhfuckas are attached at the hip and the shit bothers me.  His cousin "Micah" gets first dibs at all his time an attention.  The worst part?  I can tell Sly doesn't really wants him around as much as he is.  He just doesn't know how, or when, to tell this muhfucka no.  For example, if we have plans to spend the evening together at his place and Micah wants to come over or go out somewhere, our plans are put on the back burner.  What the fuck?!  It's so hard for him to simply tell Micah he has plans, or is tied up.  He doesn't even have to tell him specifics. He can just tell him he's busy.  But does he?  Fuck no.  This is one of the main reasons why I'm thinking of every possible con of this little pseudo-relationship thing we have going on. If I can't get a little priority in this bitch, we're gonna continue to have problems.

It wouldn't be so bad if it was just a few times, but every damn time. Sly is so scared of how Micah will react to this, that he unwillingly goes along with him all the time.  Like the other night, we were grabbing a bite to eat about to go back home and Micah calls. Says he's about to come over  and chill with us. We hadn't had any real chill/alone time in a minute, so it was important to me. Plus I was horny as shit.  At least this time, although slight, he tried to persuade Micah to stay where the hell he was.  Of course it didn't work. He bought his happy ass on over there and I clearly had resentment. About an hour in of dry conversation (on my end) and holding back I decided to get up and leave.  I couldn't take the shit.  Sly sat there and looked like a deer caught in headlights.  As I get to my car I get this fucked up text message saying that "I'm sorry, just come back. he's about to leave...its my bad. Just bring yo ass back babe."  The shit didn't work.  I just text back "Maybe next time".  I was too upset and my nerves were on edge. 

I don't want to cause any friction between them too, but I also want my dude.  Hell, if I can tell a some friends "not today" or "I'll get up with you later" you can too.  I'm annoyed, horny, angry, and upset. And dare I say it....are my feelings hurt?! Don't I sound attractive right about now...ha.

Inconsistency

{ Warning: This shit is not consistent and has a bunch of random ass topics.  I just needed to vent and clear my mind of shit I can't tell anybody around here. }

Sometimes I really think I'm being "punked" in this life shit. Seriously, this can't be real. I just can't win. LoL  I think Sly is a little upset at me because we had a little talk where I had to be completely honest.  We needed to slow the shit down. He was beginning to become a little over bearing.  And for the life of me I can't wrap my head around why this muhfucka does not realize people have jobs and they come first.  I have to be up between 5:45-6:00 every morning to get ready for work. I can't be fucking with you til midnight every night.  Every once in a while is cool...but not every time you feel like chillin.  I believe in compromising and all that jazz, but your boy has money to make.  If I work a double, I can't see you til the next day...sorry.  I'm too tired. He doesn't understand this. We are not in a relationship,no commitment. I just think he asks too much of me, especially when he isn't willing to sacrifice a damn thing for us to spend time.  If he has something to...he has something to do.  He doesn't even fathom the idea of changing his plans; but thinks I should automatically. We need to work on that shit if we decide to toy with the idea of being together. And I don't know what he's gonna do when the second summer session starts next week, he might just leave my ass alone. LoL

Fucking with him, I need an outlet.  Thats why last week I went over to a lil buddy's house and spent some time with him.  No fucking, just a lil foreplay and kissing.  (I think I mentioned it in my last post) But this dude is just a homie really. If I could just get Sly to chill out and act like this dude a little, we can work on it.  I'm still debating on whether or not to explore things with my ex Don or not.  I don't know how that'll work.  Then I had lil dude I just mentioned, we'll call him "Dre". Dre really ain't shit except something nice to look at.  Don't get me wrong, he's cool as hell and we can talk about a lot of shit...but he's a big time player and got "baby mama drama".  So that shit is a no go.  But I can still play around with him I guess.

I just need to ween myself off dudes again, I did it like a year ago.  But I'm not gonna lie to myself and say that's gonna happen. I don't want it to be another fail like my celibacy attempt. LoL

I'm Lost.

I hear the same ole bullshit all the time.  "There is somebody for everybody" and " Everybody has a soul mate".  But does this apply to homosexual relationships though?  I've been thinking because it seems I can't just fully connect and want to stay with any damn body.  While I like Sly, the timing and shit we have going on isn't working too well right now.  It was going good and all, but we failed to realize a few things in what the old people call the "courting" stage. I know the amount of time he wants/expects, things we wants to do, and other things he expects in a relationship.  I just can't satisfy the shit he wants.  I'm a busy lil muhfucka.

I know I'm young and all that jazz...but I know I'm not the only single person who gets tired of this shit; whether its with a male or female. By tired I mean, tired of the going from person to person trying to find someone worth it all. Also, tired of not having somebody there to support you not only sexually, but mentally and emotionally as well.  I know I'm probably sounding pathetic as all hell but this is what this blog is for right? LoL  But seriously, I wonder if that is true.  I sometimes think I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.  I have friends, family, and love interest/prospects so I'm not lonely...just alone. (If that makes any sense)  It seems like everytime I find somebody shit goes south.  Like with Sly, I just knew this was it but reality set in.  I really think I could probably love this muhfucka one day....but when that day is gonna come along is the question.

My long lost friend as I call here (who is a lesbian) has been saying for months now that I just miss my ex, Don, and that's the reason why I can't really get with somebody else.  I used to call her ass insane, but now I can't be so sure. It seems like I can't find anybody else I had that connection with.  Its been almost 3 years since we called the shit quits, and almost 2 years since we cut it off sexually.  I speak to him regularly, we have good  conversations and all that good shit.  Hell, I even keep in touch with his mom.  (Sidebar:  We have always wondered if that woman knew what was up. She sure act liked it...and even seemed to approve. #Strange) Nobody understands my weird, rude, unstable ass like he does.  No one can put up with me and keep me under control when neccessary. He wasn't controlling or overly dominant or anything...but he could get my ass in check real quick when I needed it. Everybody can't do that.  I have recently wondered what would happen if we tried it again...we even joked about it.  Maybe that's why I can't be with another dude.  But, I have too much fuckin pride man.  I talked a lot of shit when we called it quits. Even though we've made up and become closer....I don't know how he would act if we got back together.  He mentioned it a few weeks ago, but I shoved it off and make a joke out of it.  Now I wonder if he was serious and how can I bring the shit up. 

Random Shit...Again.

Once again I decided to just put a bunch of random shit together again. Been one hell of a week.


1. Somehow my black ass ended up in the hospital Thursday night.  I had been having problems with my left ankle all week.  It was like a sharp pain going through my ankle every time I took a step on it.  Which is fucked up because my job requires me to be on my feet about 7 hours of a 8 1/2 hour shift. It was bad Wednesday, but not unbearable and I was able to work through it, by Thursday at the end of my shift I was limping to my damn car.  By the time I got home I could barely walk into the house.  When my dad got home and seen I could barely walk he made me go to the ER and see what was wrong.  After 3 x-rays and 2 different docs coming in,the only answer I got was that "something is strained or sprung".  You think muhfucka?  I diagnosed that shit at home.  I got some muscle relaxers, pain killers (couldn't get narcotics...that's another blog) and my dad brought me home.  I called in work Friday and off this weekend...so I'm chillin and hoping this ankle of mine stops fucking with me.

2. Recent events have caused me to question what all I'm ready for..in regards to love and relationships.  Sly is cool, a nice guy, and the sex is good...but this wanting to get serious shit isn't sitting well with me.  I was in a very serious relationship very young and it was more intense than what I think I was ready for.  I just don't want to get back into that shit.  I'm a little older now, but I've gotten so accustomed to being single and doing my own thing I now don't know if I can go back.  I hooked up with a dude the other day and it made me realize that I'm probably not as ready to just let the shit go and be committed as I thought I was. Not saying its out the question, but I need to talk to Sly asap.

3. I've realized that this "closet" door has no lock on it.  As discreet and DL some of us think we are, there is always someone who knows, some muhfucka who will run their mouth, and someone that will investigate yo ass and put 2 and 2 together.  I realized this as I was conversing with and old friend and he was telling me some shit about a dude I went to high school with.  He knows someone who knows someone, and they put all this shit together and found out ole boy was bi.  Made a fake Facebook account and all that shit.  People ain't shit.

4. When it comes to social media, I am a lame.  I have a Facebook account that I log into every week or so just to be nosy and past time.  I don't chit chat, don't message, don't add friends none of that shit.  I guess thats what I get for being a pseudo-loner.  I did create a twitter account over a year ago, and have logged on all of 5 times.  I guess I just don't get it, or I'm just weird. Either way it may go deeper.  Sometimes I think I'm not involved in those things because I know I can't be "myself" on that shit.  I mean I can't holla at no dudes, put any of my real issues out there with out everybody knowing my shit.  I'm no ready for all that shit.