The Epiphany

I've been  a little MIA lately.  As usual...just a lot going on.  School, work, and we had a tragic death in the family.  My mind has been a hundred places, but its all better when you have a good guy by your side to see you through the rough shit.  I have written about this before, but now I feel I have finally gotten over it. I'm talking about my issue with allowing a guy to do certain things for me, without feeling like a little bitch.  It was always hard for me man. When D-Boy would pay for a meal, handle situations for me, or take too much of a lead in shit I would always try to stop him dead in his tracks.  I had the same issue with Sly sometimes.  I guess it was own insecurities about my sexuality, sexual role, and how I was viewed by the dude I was with.  I know it seemed crazy, but I couldn't help it.  I always want people to know that I am a man, regardless of who I screw behind closed doors. And sometimes it got in a way. But D had enough of that shit.

If you don't know, I love sushi.   D wasn't the biggest fan of it, but I turned him onto it.  So as a little pick me up he took me to this hibachi/sushi restaurant here in town.  It was he, I and a mutual friend. We had fun, ate good food and had a few drinks. Then it was time for the bill (my least favorite moment).  I tried to beat him to the punch, but he had a game plan. He told the waiter that we were together and our friend was separate.  And when I tried to pull my card out he shot me this look of death.  It almost scared me a little bit.  LoL  When we got in his truck I told him that I had it, it's cool.  Then he started.

He just told me that it's okay to let someone do something for you....as long as their intentions are good.  He told me that he does stuff like that because he cares and he wants to show it....nothing more or nothing less.  I was still a little hesitant because it seemed too much like a hetero-esque type situation.  He wasn't having it. He was like "Damn man, I just want you to know I can handle shit...I got yo back.  Its not that I think you a lil bitch, cause if so I wouldn't be with you." I must say, he had a point. He went on to say that " T, sometimes you just got to let people show they care man.  It's no different than when you have to desire to do something for me, when you bring me something to eat or something.  It's no different.   You don't think I'm a bitch, you just like my black ass."  It finally made sense to me.  And now it's cool. When he wants to take care of something I let him and I've stopped the bitching. LoL  His ass couldn't be happier.  It's a give and take though, so it's all good. I think I'm cured.