This has been an interesting week...to say the least. I broke it off with Sly, and he have been cordial, well at least we try to be. He still doesn't quite understand why it is what it is, but he respects it. I've been trying not to deal with him too much. If I talk to his ass everyday, what's the use of leaving his ass alone? Plus, my conscience won't let me. Yeah, I've been fucking with D. I missed that muhfucka. (Tell you more about that later)
On top of that, I'm having female problems. Yeah, you read that shit right. This girl from class is really feeling your boy. And it makes me uncomfortable, for some strange reason. While I am still attracted to girls, it seems I have to be in the "mood" for it. Hell, the last time I had some pussy was about a year and a half ago. And quite honestly, I haven't missed it that bad. It's just...that a man can give me all the shit I need. Not just sexually, but emotionally and mentally as well. For some reason, I'm attracted to masculinity...heavily attracted. I admire everything about a man; from his physique, his smell, and his attitude. However, a woman has things I like as well. I love the essence of a woman, her sometimes soft demeanor and other things. The problem is, these things don't satisfy my black ass alone. Everytime I have ever been involved with a girl, I still needed and longed for a guy. I never mixed the two, but I had the urge to. The weird thing is, when I'm with a dude I'm completely satisfied...I'm not missing a chick.
Surprise,surprise...I know. I think now I'm more of like a 80/20 bisexual (think about it). The more I come to terms with my sexuality and the reality of it all, the more comfortable I become. I'm slowly starting to face the reality that the typical married life with a woman and a few kids may not happen with me. It's a scary thought, but shit...its reality. No, I'm not coming out or anything like that...that shit is for the birds. I'm just gonna take this shit one day at a time.
Coming out is for men, not birds.
ReplyDeleteOne day @ a time.
ReplyDeleteSo you're gonna be doing the Single Thing for a while or you re-sparking things with D?
ReplyDelete(that's if that spark ever left, which I doubt).
;)
--Cogito
@Flowers- at this time, it isn't for this man. Lol I don't believe every gay or bisexual person should be out if he or she isn't ready...or don't feel it's necessary.
ReplyDelete@Cogito-Yeah, I'm going to be doing the single thing...and have D keep me "company" along the way. Lol (You got me! The spark never left)
Nice piece of writing. Don't worry about percentage thing - we are to obssesed to clasify and put everything into statistics, just be with whom ever your are comfortable with:)
ReplyDeleteAnd comming out is for me also personal choice, I do it step by step to people I think to people that are close to me. But not as to disclose some "truth" about myself, but just as I am not deliberatly hidding some toughts and feelings ...