One pro of being heterosexual is you automatically know one another's sexual role. You the know the man will be doing the penetrating and you know the woman will be the one being penetrated. Simple. However, with men its not that damn easy. I don't know how many times I have been in the situation where someone was afraid to bring up the subject of top and bottom. It is one of the most important factors we have to deal with when finding a partner.
I have heard people say dumb shit like "top and bottom doesn't matter, its about love". Yeah....sure, that's a nice fairytale you're living in there. Truth is, it does matter. There are many strict tops, strict bottoms, and even strict versatile dudes. These guys do not stray out of their roles. Taking on the other role doesn't excite them, seem appealing, or even seem possible. And you can't fault anybody for this. But for some reason we like to call guys close-minded and selfish when he doesn't want to step out of his sexual role. I understand love should outweight all factors, but you are not already in love with somebody you first meet. For example, I'm a bottom. I don't really have any plans to top anybody. I have in the past, but it wasn't my cup of tea and not something I think I am willing to continue to do in a relationship. I just don't understand why this is a problem with people.
I was conversing with this guy once and I brought up the subject of sexual roles. He replied with this bullshit "I don't think thats important, we should just let it play out". No. There is nothing that has to play out. Nothing is wore than getting into the bedroom and both people are putting a rubber on, or both people are waiting for the other one to put the rubber on. All that can be avoided by having that discussion early. Someone like me knows what all he is willing to do in a relationship. The sooner these things are figured out, the less of a headache it can bring. I understand love is strong, but I still think there are some things that people know they cannot wholeheartedly compromise on. And sexual position can be one of them.
Call me closed-minded but there is no way im climbing on anyone's back. Period.
ReplyDeleteYeah, nothing wrong with discussing (basic) things early - and nothing wrong with having preferences:) But no matter if ur roles match you can know if you are sexually compatible with one only after you have sex...and if not the answer is clear:)
ReplyDeleteConcerning heterosexuals, I dont think its so simple: I know of at least 2 girls(friends) whose bfs wanted to be penatrated: from fingers to waterpipes.lol. And it was their (secret) wish, and girls were more than willing to fullfil it. So seems there are also "hetero-vers" i guess. ass is ass.
Sex is all about power for me. I have no problem sharing that power if dude is dominant enough to handle it. I guess it's because I'm fully Vers; and I have a special place in my heart for my fem guys (rare, I know, but they're cute to me) but that's IF and WHEN they are bottoms. I would totally Top a fem dude, but not the other way around.
ReplyDeleteIf I'm gonna Bottom for a guy, it's because he's more masc than I am (I guess that's cuz I'm somewhere in the middle my damn self).
*sighs* eh, sex is sooo damn complicated (if you make it that way).
--Cogito
Well, luckily for you, this is a young person's problem. As you grow (both older, and as a person) you'll become more comfortable in stating what you prefer and not interested in those who want to fulfill the same role (top, bottom, whatever). Seriously, it's not a problem I've had for 20 years. Any guy I'm with knows it's going to be me dicking him come the end of the night :)
ReplyDelete@UrSoVain-Well put!
ReplyDelete@Miha- I feel you. You can also know if you are sexually compatible before sex. But even with your hetero example, for the most part he is the one doing the penetrating. Him wanting to be "finger banged" is probably just foreplay.
@Cogito- Thats my issue as well. I am attracted to masculine men. I have no desire to climb the back of anyone climbing mine. This may sound fucked up, but it takes away from why I was attracted to them in the first place...if they want to bend over.
@Flowers- I'm lucky I don't have that problem. I have no hang-ups with telling a guy I'm a bottom and don't expect that shit to change between now and tonight in the bedroom. I just don't understand why some people don't respect that.