Mr D-boy. That guy, I'll tell ya. LoL I fell guilty. Thats one of the down sides of having a conscience. I seriously wish sometimes I was just an inconsiderate, nonchalant ass hole. Well, depending on who you ask...I'm probably already these things; but that's another story.
No, I didn't cheat or anything. But I do still have feelings for this muhfucka. I can't help it, and he knows it. I have never told him about Sly until tonight. He knew I was kicking with someone else from time to time, but he had no idea of the extent. He took it well, in a sense. He had a lot of questions...solid questions that I couldn't blame him for asking. D was a little angry at one point, but he understood and I know he supports me. His biggest issue was that he felt lied to. Which isn't far fetched, because I really didn't tell him about my new situations, even when he asked. Its something about that guy though. I don't plan on doing anything stupid, but the truth is we have a connection. Even outside of the romance and sex shit, he's my boy. Thats my homie.
I didn't want to tell him, but for some reason I felt I owed it to him. When I was walking to my car from work tonight I called him just to check on him. He asked me where I was going and I told him I was going home. He insinuated that I was going to see somebody. And thats when I just told him. I let him know that my guy had to go to work in the morning. I swear I could see his face through the phone. LoL He wanted to know what exactly I meant. I told him I was basically in a relationship. I explained to him what happened, how it came about, and my reasons. He just wanted to know why not him, why I didn't tell him, and why I lied when asked about it. I told him the truth. We just weren't going to work, we had too much going on and if I'm gonna be in a r-ship, fucking around isn't okay. And I know he wasn't gonna hold true to that. He understood actually, even though there was clear resentment there. His silly ass even cracked a few jokes about the situation. He invited me over while on my way home. I went...
He was cool, he just wanted to show me the new furnishings in his place. We just chilled, drank a beer and talked about shit. Above anything, he is a good friend. That dude has my back for real. But when I talk to him and thank about him, I can't help but think about how even though I'm with Sly...we are not on the same level as me and D. I know we'll get there...but when? Did I rush? Just life
I know I'm post HELLA early, but I just got the alert in my Google Reader.
ReplyDeleteAnd as I'm reading it, the only thing I keep hearing in my head is "You Make Me Wanna" by Usher.
Man... On/Off Again's are always messy. Either the Ex gets jealous and tries to start some shit, or your current boo wants you to cut ties completely off with a person you have history with...
But when all else fails, you have to ask yourself: what makes TREY happy? Because you're the common-thread in this, um... dare I say "love triangle"?
--Cogito
I agree with Cogito, you have remind yourself what made you take Sly on and why D couldn't get you there.
ReplyDelete@Cogito- That song is perfect! Luckily D isn't the type to start no shit. He respects the situation. Sly doesn't really know about the extent of my relationship with D...and I'm gonna keep it that way.
ReplyDelete@thegayte-keeper- I have thought about that a few times. The truth is, Sly was just easier...in terms of getting together with the least amount of work.
Sly was...easier? And you have no plans on telling him about the extent of your relationship w/D? Not to be the wet blanket, but those are flags, man. Maybe not red, but autumn orange and changing...
ReplyDelete- What if D tries something later? Would you be able resist? Would you want to?
- Easier (to me) implies you're here, might as well...cuz the one I really wanna be with (D?) isn't available, playing games, etc. So if that one does become availble or you get man at yo man...then what?
- And just to flip the script, if Sly has a D in his life that he doesn;t tell you about -- yet you find out somehow -- how would that make you feel?
Just something to think about. I'm not saying you don't care about (or even falling in love with) Sly; it just reads differently here.
@ J- You know I love you right? LoL
ReplyDeleteIf he tries something, I'm sure I'll be able to resist. But he's cool...I don't THINK he'll try to take it to that level.
You're right, it was just easier. Not saying I really don't like him or my feelings aren't genuine, I just had to make a choice basically.
"if Sly has a D in his life that he doesn;t tell you about -- yet you find out somehow -- how would that make you feel?"- I have no clue, I would probably be upset. But I would ask has anything happened between you two since we've been together. I want to let him know about D, but at this point it may look like I was lying and may be hiding something. I waited too long. So I'm kinda at a stand still.