A few friends and I had a very interesting conversation about sex. Not necessarily about what one does during sex, but more so what does it mean. Needless to say, the shit got real. Lol
I now see why some people have fucked up "situations" when it comes down to a simple screw. For example, my girl said that she believes sex is the utmost intimate activity between two people. These same two people, in her opinion, have no choice but to have feelings for each other after sex because it is a type of bonding. I wanted to slap the chick. She is part of a big, misinformed, group of people who ruin their lives over sex. To me, this is the fairytale, childhood view of fucking. That's just not how life works, and not too many people feel this way about sex anymore. Nowadays, it seems like its more casual and more and more people are starting to realize this. Not this idiot, however. It now makes sense why she's always hurt and feels wronged by some dude...we now see its her fault. LoL Gotta love her though.
My opinion? Well I believe sex means whatever the two people involved agree on it to mean. I seriously feel if you have sex with someone, there should be an agreement and understanding between the two. Even then, an adult knows their status with someone beforehand. If you meet someone and happen to quickly start fucking around, common sense tells you it isn't anything serious. Its just two horny people getting a nut from time to time. A situation like this shouldn't even be cause for a discussion. However, if you are ever unsure it never hurts to ask. Ask your partner "hey, what does sex mean to you?" And tell them what significance it has to you as well. Whatever their answer is, you have to accept that. If someone tells you that its just a friends with benefits relationship...you are foolish to think it is otherwise. Maya Angelou said it best "when someone shows you who they are believe them."
I was thinking if it differed in heterosexual and homosexual relationships. I don't think so. Although it is believed gay men are more sexually driven, I think the situation remains the same. Two people, gay or straight, should be honest and upfront with one another. No need to bullshit around and get someone's hopes up, just to hit it. Want casual sex? Its easy to find someone who is looking for the same. Want a committed situation? Find someone who is looking for the same.
So, what does sex mean to you?
Sex is not just sex for me or anyone i know. I cant wrap my mind around people who sleep around casually and then turn around and have the nerve to feel "lonely" let alone complain about it. Or people who set the standard of a relationship founded and based on sex and then wonder why he doesnt call you often or treat you with decency or want to move the relationship forward.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I'm still not sure what sex means to me or whether it's really even that important to me at all.
ReplyDelete@Vain: Surely you know it's more complicated than that. I understand if you can't relate though.
For me, there are different levels of Sex.
ReplyDeleteEveryone has had a friend with benefits, or that hoe in a different area code, and there are also the ones you make LOVE to.
When you consider Sex in its purest, most carnal form: it is a battle of testosterone/estrogen (depending on the party's sexual orientation, of course).
The way I see it, it's downright human of us to have/want sex. The problem comes in when you try to treat it as anything other than mutually beneficial.
Look at porn stars; they can have sex and not catch feelings or get emotionally injured because everyone is on board with the program.
--Cogito
@ReclusiveOne: No its pretty simple. My philosophy: Don't steer your ship into sex seas and stay there and then wonder why you're not floating in relationship waters. When we sleep around casually we end up with a bunch of people who avoid making emotional attachments and then wonder why its so difficult for them to find it/ maintain them later on in life when casual sex loses its appeal (because it will). Its cute in the "now" for most people. It feels good and can be "fun." But often these same people are the product of a culture that tells them fulfillment and validation and maybe even love itself is found at the end of orgasms. However, you cannot get upset about not having any emotional connections when you based a part of yourself on making sure they didn't happen.
ReplyDeleteSex is the one currency that will ALWAYS out spend us. We allow it to abuse and control us. I LOVE THIS LINE: I seriously feel if you have sex with someone, there should be an agreement and understanding between the two. I've had past sexual relations that were misunderstood even though we both understood what was happening.
ReplyDelete@UrSoVain-I must say I agree. Casual sex can be dangerous...not just physically but emotionally as well. If we practice not having emotional attachments we will indeed begin to get too good at it. Like they say, practice makes perfect. It also boils down to the current state of mind of a lot of people. Many of us don't find love and relationships appealing. We enjoy casual sex too much, and pride ourselves on being single. However we don't realize we will one day grow out of that stage, but by then it might be too late. Not only will one have a screwed up reputation, but mental state as well.
ReplyDelete@Reclusiveone- You're right. Its not that simple. Its a lot more complex than we try to make it seem. I try to stay away from casual sex. Don't get me wrong, it has happened...I don't make it a habit. But sex shouldn't be as simple as getting a nut. The nut is only a small part of the experience.
ReplyDelete@Cogito- It is mutually beneficial. But sometimes we have the habit of leaving at that-"You scratch my back and I scratch yours". That can be dangerous. What happens when these same porn starts, or other people that like to frequent casual sex, want something more with someone? Sex, which should be the most intimate part of the relationship, would lose it significance. What would then separate that person from just a casual acquaintance, or co-worker?
ReplyDeleteWhen you can connect with a man and discover that you share a sexual chemistry, nothing is better. That said, the 3 men I've felt that with over the years are not in my life for any number of reasons. So, I guess I get what you're saying. I've fucked guys whose names I never knew. Wuz fun, but in the end I'da been better off nutting by myself and going about my business.
ReplyDelete