I always wondered what defines someone's sexuality. What makes someone be classified as straight, gay, bi or whatever. Many people say its about sex, and others say sex doesn't neccessarily constitute one's sexual orientation. Personally, I believe your sexuality is defined by your attraction. Also I believe that you can indeed determine one's sexuality by their sexual partners...or even just sexual desires.
I think it is pretty safe to assume that sex involves some type of attraction. I don't even think you necessarily have to be completely attracted to that person...but there is something about that person's anatomy that attracts you. I don't know about you, but I can't get horny for somebody if nothing is attracting me. That's just common sense. That's why when I heard someone in class the other day say that sexuality is not defined by who you screw, I was confused. I mean, it is called SEXuality and SEXual orientation. It seems that saying something like that is just a cop out for someone who doesn't want to own up to their own sexuality. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that sex ALONE determines sexuality, but it is a major part of it.
In addition to sex, emotions and attraction also play a major role in sexual orientation. You can't label one's sexuality by sex alone. Think of people who are 22 year old virgins, they haven't had sex...yet they are well aware what they are attracted to. Hell, I knew I liked guys years before I ever had the pleasure of being introduced to penis. Also, you can love someone without having sex with them. What about flirting,is it a tell-tell sign of one's sexual orientation? Does flirting signify that two people are attracted to one another? There's a guy at my job that I always flirt back and forth with, and its clear that its flirting. We touch a lot, lock eyes with one another, always find a reason to be alone with one another, and give compliments, However, I have never questioned him sexuality. Out of all the shit we do, I don't really think he is attracted to guys. It just seems flirting back is just a natural reaction to some things.
And I have a few questions for you:
1. Can someone be homosexual who has never had sex, but has the desire and attration? If not, how can someone in the same situation be considered straight?
2. Can a straight person regularly have sexual relations with someone of the same sex and still be considered straight?
3. Do you take flirting serious, or is it just something to do?
4.I said all that shit, but what does in fact determine orientation?
I'm a firm believer that sexuality is fluid. I could never utter the words "I'm gay", simply because I have not thoroughly enjoyed sex with a man and, honestly, I don't see myself in a long-term relationship with one. I am attracted to men physically, but that's it. Overall, I believe I'm more attracted to the person rather than focusing on what their gender is. If you can love me unconditionally, we find each other attractive, and we are compatible I'm good.
ReplyDeleteI believe there are a lot more open-minded people that are physically attracted to both sexes than we know. They may choose to exclusively date one sex over another though.
1. Yes. The desire and attraction is there so they most certainly are not straight. I wonder what they would be if they had sex with the same sex and did not enjoy it?
2. Depends on the motives. Plenty of straight guys do gay porn for the money. Plenty of guys have sex with guys for compensation. Doesn't make them gay, just makes them whores who are sex machines.
3. Nope. Talk is cheap. I may flirt with a guy simply because I'm horny that day, NOT because I'm attracted to them.
4. I think its determined by who you enjoy having sex with. Whether its both sex, one of the two, or NONE. There is a such thing as asexual.
Sexuality has a whole bunch of components and encompasses all things having to do with sex and attraction and so on. For example, homoeroticism is part of sexuality. 50 Cent's "Get Rich or Die Trying" album cover is homoerotic because he's displayed very muscular and shirtless and was marketed that way to attract other men. Not necessarily gay men, but men in general. Sexual Orientation is something different. A big part of what i think makes someone gay or straight (don't believe in bisexuality, sorry lol) is who they're attracted to emotionally along with sexually. Also it depends on someone's behavior as well. You cannot sleep with 5 men and no women and then call yourself a heterosexual. You can sleep with a man once and continually sleep with women and never to it again and still be considered heterosexual. If you repeatedly sleep with men over time as well as women, I would investigate with whom you create emotional attachments. Most men I've come across who claim "bisexuality" often find women to be "attractive" but are mostly "attracted" to men (but try suppress the emotional side of their attraction). The two to me are not the same.
ReplyDelete1. Yes. If you are physically and emotionally attracted to the same sex in your mind, you are a homosexual.
2. Depends. Some men are not attracted to men but can sleep with them because they're into SEX. These men will often sleep with just about anything.
3. Flirting isn't all that serious to me. I'll flirt with an ugly boy for the attention. Many straight men will flirt with a gay man because they like the attention as well.
4.What determines a person's sexuality has a lot to do with their pattern of thoughts and behavior. Simply because you CLAIM to be attracted to women but spend a lot of you're time on gay sites, looking at men, thinking about men, sleeping with men, that doesn't make you straight. Sexuality is fluid, but sexual orientation, to me, is a lot more rigid.
@Vain: Here you go throwing "shade" again. LMAO!
ReplyDeleteTrey: how come my comment has been removed, anything not ok?
ReplyDelete@ReclusiveOne: Who? Me? No way! lol
ReplyDelete@Miha: I don't know, I havent removed anything. You sure it went through?
ReplyDelete@Reclusive One: I have a question. Are you able to say you are gay to yourself and not to others, or not to yourself either?
ReplyDeleteYou hit on a lot of the points I was making. It's called being pansexual- (not limited or inhibited in sexual choice with regard to gender or activity, or someone who is attracted to other people regardless of their gender). However, I have always had a problem with what you shared in your response to #2. I think a majority, not all, of the time that gay for pay shit is and excuse for a man to experience a lot of his deepest desires.
@UrSoVain- Excellent point man. So many subjects in the "hetero world" of men encompass a lot of homo eroticism. Look at men magazines. They most often feature this overly good looking guy on the cover flexing and showing a lot of skin. But this is geared toward men.
ReplyDeleteBut sleeping with a man once, and never doing it again doesn't make you straight. It just means you have successfully suppressed those feelings...or you haven't ran into someone else who can get it :).
And about your #2 Repsonse- I don't think you can continue to have sex with a man if you are not attracted to him. You can like sex, but there has to be some type of attraction there to keep going back. There are enough variety of women for straight men to screw without having to resort to a man he has no attraction to.
@Trey: Perhaps! But some men experiment and not like it. Many homosexual men sample the fysh and realize sea food isn't the way to go. It isn't so much as suppressing their heterosexual attraction as it is exploring their overall sexuality. I also believe in situational homosexuality. Where a man will have sex with another man because he likes sex and intimacy and not necessarily the man he's doing it with. Men do that a lot with women as well. They don't necessarily like WOMEN so much as they like sex and objectify their bodies and separate the two. These are all up for debate of course.
ReplyDeleteExactly. However, I was referring to the ones that have the sex one time and ENJOY that shit. And with the "situational" homosexuality...what happens if he continues this action? Is he still just liking the sex or the person the sex is attached to?
ReplyDelete@Trey: I say he likes the sex void of who it's with if he grows no emotional attachment.
ReplyDeleteMind-breaking topic for a change, after all that spicy stuff. Lots of people tried to answer this question and define human sexuality. I don't know if there is one and only correct definition, it is quite a slippery notion. It sure depends on cultures, times, context. And is more complex than desires and sexual attraction/orientation. For me in ideal society one does not need to question and analyze sexuality, one celebrates it, all of its varieties. One should be free to do it, with whomever is willing to join the game, without need to justify or identify-label the act or desires...Sex beside its procreational function is here for (sharing) fun, pleasure, joy...
ReplyDeleteIf we reduce sexuality only to desires, urges, innate orientation it is rather mysterious or irrational, hard to say anything substantial about it. For me there are so many sexualities and expressions of it as there are people. As for myself.
But we don't live in ideal society so when we discuss sexuality, we can not avoid the question of power, social relations. And with this the question of identities comes into picture. As one sexual identity may say something about individual's orientation, desires, it says even more about his socio-political status, about power relations. So when someone, or some group says i am straight, I am gay I think one has to consider what does this mean in sense of power relations. Why is there hierarchical matrix in straight-gay binary relation. Why do some people have such urge to stress that they are straight (at same time we notice so much homoeroticsm in all "straight" environment, that's interesting, sexy??), or gay. Straight doesn't only mean "natural" tendency to like opposite sex, it is also socio-political position of oppression. Also identifying as gay offers in some context certain support and feeling of belonging. Most people need this feelings. But where are people that do not wont to be stuck in this fixed labels and identities. Is world really black and white? I don't think so. One Indian thinker used to say: every identity is a false identity. There is something to this, as identity can not capture or define one individual completely. I agree with reclusive1, sexuality is fluid to some degree, by this i don't mean one can freely choose desires or orientation, but this desires can shift in time, with context... Saying all this, I think alternative (essential) identities, like LGBT are strategically important in this our social context, they offer some way of organized resistance toward dominant "straight" culture. As far as I am concerned I don't like to label myself, as lots of ppl i see, and this also is our stance and right. I don't care how you call me, just give me right to live it may way, or sex it my way:)
The debate if bisexuality exist or not is kinda silly too, isn't it?? I am certain one can feel sexually attracted to female and males bodies, I myself am, but in different ways. I don't call it bisexuality, but other people have right to do it, just as you have right to say i am hetero or homo...
BTW: we can question the "straightness" of heteros the same way. Did you notice that the straightest guys, who proclaim this on every corner, are the ones who love to indulge in homoeroticsm more than "down-low straights", they flirt in every, even perverse way with other guys. Well that's my experience. I didn't get this feeling with guys who obviously appreciate women and have no need to be card carrying, gay-oppressive Straight. And yeah I do sometimes like this kind of flirting, it gives you feeling challenging some oppositions, and vagueness is exciting - but mostly its just a game, tough sometimes other party takes it too far and confuses me. Yeah even tough i don't believe in black and white world - theoretically:))
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