So HARD

It's hard as fuck to love a man. Period.

And I'm adding myself into that as well, cause I know my ass can be a piece of work to deal with it.  Between my being nonchalant, my mouth, and my detachment...I can be a full time job.  But I have an open mind through it all.  In a recent post titled "Forbidden Fruit"  I discussed this guy named "Sly" that I've been seeing/getting to know.  And I can honestly say that its been a good time getting to know him.  I already kind of knew him, seeing as though he was seeing my female cousin. But I just recently started to really get to know him on a more personal and intimate level.  And no, we haven't had sex yet. (I surprised myself with that one)

Of course, however, I have my hang ups. For the first time in a while I am picturing myself in a serious relationship.  I haven't had a "real" relationship since my ex "Don" I talked about.  I've been with other people, like D-Boy, but not in a serious commitment. I'm also a little hestitant about dealing with another man.  As we all know we men are some complex muhfuckas.  We like to act as though we are simple and easy going, but I believe its scientifically proven men are indeed more emotional and complex than females. This is where the problem comes in at.  I wonder if I'm ready to deal with it all, and if I'm ready to let someone deal with me...if that makes any sense.  I really like Sly, and I can see us on an entirely different level of intimacy than D-Boy (I have to give you the update of that one). He has shown that he's really feeling me and thats he's serious. Sly is a good dude and he's very comfortable in his own skin.  He's not out or anything but he's comfortable in his shit; he isn't paranoid about people around us trying to figure shit out and all that jazz.  He hasn't even pressured me for no ass.  We've kissed and shit and there's been a lot of touching and grabbing but we've held off.  But I don't know how long I can go, cause his black ass turns me the FUCK on.

*I love this damn pic...it appears to represent love and the ability to work it out and be comfortable in your skin.(Plus, I would love for this to be me one day in the future...mature and still sexy. LoL)


I think it's about time I finally get the shit over with and just tell him I'm ready to do the damn thing.  Let's try to make this work. Me and Sly are similar in the sense of not wanting to be the one to make the first official move, so I know that if I don't man up...we'll be in limbo forever. I'm just hesitant about dealing with another guy on that serious of level again. I think it'll make me happy.  I know D will act a fuckin fool, but I can't keep worrying about other people's happiness.  Fuck'em

Plus, I'm ready for him to get this ass man. That shit seems like it's gonna be fire. (But before that I think I need to fulfill a few small fantasies like fucking a dude high, and having sex with a Latino.)