So i'm still up and still thinking. Last week in one of my classes we got into a very interesting conversation. The topic: Are you who you are looking for? Will you date yourself? Needless to say it caused quite a stir. It's something I feel we should all think about when looking to be with someone. Are you worth being with? I wanted to share two of the main types of responses we had in class.
1. We had a lot of responses, mostly from guys surprisingly, where people said they would be looking for someone who was better off than they were. Their reason was to have motivation to work toward a goal, to have someone who was stable, etc. I called bullshit on a lot of these. Sounded like a bunch of gold diggers and sorry ass dudes looking for a woman to take care of them like their mothers did.
2. A lot of people wanted someone who was at very least equally yoked. They didn't want anyone they would have to help and build up financially, or anyone who would be depending on them. A lot of these responses were the most common sense, in my opinion anyway. Although some of these responses were a little limiting.
My opinion? Basically, I don't believe you can ask for anything in someone you can't offer to them. If you have high standards and qualifications, what makes you think the person that meets these qualifications don't have equal standards. For example, if you live with your parents, don't have a job, and barely have a vehicle...how can you ask for someone who is stable, independent, and financially secure? Why would they not want the same things you want? I know that people have unfortunate situations/experiences that would cause them to fall off their feet for a while. I also know that you can't limit your options. However, the truth is nobody wants a bum ass person. And don't get me wrong, living at home with parents, and not having a lot doesn't make you a bum...its your mindset. But if I'm in school, living at home, work a full time job, have my own mean of transportation I need for you to have at least the same. For example, I can't ask for a dude to have his own place because I don't. We can work around that shit. But he needs to at least have the other aspects of his life together.
When I was younger, I used to do stuff like that. When I was like 17/18 ish, I used to do shallow stuff like not even give a guy a decent chance just because he didn't "meet the bar".
ReplyDeleteNow that I'm older (only 21, but, eh...), I see that even the ones who actually DO meet all the surface-standards (big dick, own car/house/money/etc)-- they have just as much ish wrong with them on the INSIDE as they broke dude who actually treated me right!
So I just tell people that you have to take chances. It's the poet in me speaking, I know, but what is love other than a chance?
--Cogito
Man, we think just alike on this topic. I used to have major tunnel vision when it came down to dating and sex. You had to meet all these requirements, and if you didn't I didn't entertain you.
ReplyDeleteLike you, as I got older (21 too) I've realized there is soooo much more than meets the surface. And love is indeed a chance. Any new relationship/experience is unchartered territory and you have to make a path where there isn't one.