I Used To Love Her...

Sometimes, even though I consider myself bisexual, I can't help but face the facts that I know I can live a without pussy far easier than I could without dick. This little tid bit has made it hard for me to deal with many females that come in and out my life.  More specifically, "Nikki".  I have been "dealing" with Nikki since junior year of high school, so about 5 years now. Granted, we've never been in a committed relationship, we are very close.  We just never wanted to take that next step toward a relationship in order to not fuck up our friendship.

It seems like she always has a boyfriend, and I'm always dealing with somebody.  Well, at least thats the excuse I tell myself.  I'm bisexual, and I'm DL....and thats my fight, not hers.  I don't want to put her through my mood swings, my uncertainty, and the lying and cheating that comes along with it.  She's far too good of a catch for that.  I know in my heart regardless of how much I love the girl I can't promise to leave guys alone.  And I can't knowingly do that to her.  This may sound fucked up but I can do it to other girls, and have done it, but not to her. And lately, our relationship is just all fucked up.

We have always had this "on again, off again extended friendship" as I like to call it. We'll be cool and close for six months, then stop fucking with eachother for a few months and repeat the cycle.  But now, the older I get, I'm fed up with the shit. It seems like we are no longer on the same page and this whole thing is a matter of convienence. She is a beautiful girl, and the sex was great, but enough is enough man.
  She called me the other morning after a whole month and expected me to be excited to talk to her.  I couldn't have been less amused.  I seriously wanted to know what the fuck she wanted. For the first time, I don't feel like I have the same feelings for her anymore....like I have grown out of love with her. I'm sure its a good thing in the long haul, but the shit still hurts.