So next Sunday is Easter. I have been invited to "Nikkis" House (From the post-I used to love her). I really want to say hell no. I feel like this roller coaster we have been on has reached the end of the ride. I can't deal with her fucked up ways, my own issues, and still put on a happy face. I just can't do that shit anymore. It seems like the older I get (yeah I know 21 is young, so what) I realize that my happiness is actually important. Go figure. I don't want to have the attitude like fuck everybody else, but it comes a time where you have to worry about self.
I was sitting here contemplating turning her down or making an excuse of why I couldn't make it, and then the shit clicked. How in the hell can I be worried about this muhfuckas feelings when I haven't taken care of my own yet. There is just no logic in that. Yo boy has his own issues (just read some of the post in this bitch). I can't deal with her right now, and I know good and damn well I'm not feeling it. But since I care about her, and we have what people call "history" I don't wan to be rude and hurt her feelings. But who's worried about my feelings. Certainly not this chick, I'm sure. Not saying she's a bad person, but I'm sure if she was having the same feelings she would take care of herself first. Now its my turn.Then there's D-Boy. I've been somewhat dodging seeing his ass for the past few days. I've had the time, but my mind is fucked up right now. I've talked to him daily, just haven't seen him. Between him, Nikki, and Red....my emotions have been put in a blender. And it makes me wonder, are these same people thinking about me...am I on THEIR minds. The only one I can safely assume yes is D-Boy (thats a sign huh...i know). At this point in time I'm tired of being alone. I mean, I can be alone and its all good...but some definite companionship would be nice. But like in my last post, there is some shit I need to work on first. I'm sure D-Boy is worth it, but I don't want to hurt anybody else. On the other hand...FUCK THEM. I need to look out for me....bout time.
Omg dude, i feel you %100. Sometimes we get so caught up in everyone else, we forget about ourselves. I say it comes down to Balance and how to ration out just as much attention as people really need (usually not much). Otherwise, they take your good qualities as a weakness and will try to use you for them, smh.
ReplyDeleteBtw, my lil bro jus got our mom's name on the side of his right hand and her last name above his heart. So, just my lil tidbit...
--Cogito
Exactly. Out of all.the attention we have, 80 needs to go to yourself. Putting yourself on the back burner isn't going to cut it.
ReplyDeleteI heard those chest tattoos hurt like hell
There comes a time when you have to make yourself the priority. You will feel like you're being selfish because you've never been concerned with YOU before. Take some time to deal with TREY, and stick to your muufukkin guns. When you wanna say yes, or do for others, take a minute to ask yourself what you did for yourself that day.
ReplyDeleteWe all need it. I'm learning too.
By the way, I have 7 tatts and gettin two more next month. Check out my shout out to Johnny's Tattoos. They are da shyt.