Not the Right Time

Had a great weekend, 3 days weekend with no school or work!  Yo boy was excited.  I was finally able to chill out and grab a drink, or two...or three ;).  Let me stop bullshittin, I was drunk as hell Friday night with my brother, cousin, and their friend.  And their friend, that muhfucka is FINE.  I couldn't stop looking at dude...but that's another story.  Plus, dude provided the liquor.  He could've got it, and he doesn't even know it.  I just wanted to kick my brother and cousin out and jump on dude. He's lucky I wasn't drinking anything brown. (Excuse the man-whore coming out of me tonight) But he did say he was going to wash and wax my car with this special black car wax shit, so I will be able to chill with him again. He just don't know.( I just needed somewhere to vent this shit.  Clearly I need a couple bi/dl friends...)

I finally had "the talk" with D. It went better than I initially expected.  I let him know my hesitations, my concerns, and my honest feelings.  He took it well.  As a result, he told me his as well.  Needless to say, we both have quite a bit to work on.  Some we can work on together, and some we need to work on ourselves before we bring someone else into the picture. It was a very honest conversation, and we both may have heard things about eachother we probably didn't plan on hearing.  For example, I didn't know that he was talking to his would-be baby's mother (she miscarried) and she has a hard time realizing its over.  I knew they were cool and all, but I didn't know the extent.  That's why I stress communication; like in my recent post.  If I hadn't have had this conversation with him, I wouldn't have known it all.

 I came to the realization that I probably don't need a relationship right now.  I want one, but there is a big difference between needing and wanting something. D is a good guy, and I'm sure he'll make a good partner.  Just not right now.  Like I said earlier, we both have things to work on before we decide to take this thing one step further.  When I love, I love hard and I want it to be right.  However right now, its not the right time. Not to say that I'm going to be fucking around more or anything, but I'm not going feel obligated to D anymore.  Sometimes I felt like I was committed to this dude and didn't do certain things, or felt bad about certain things I did with other people because I was thinking about him.  I wasn't fuckin every dude that tried to get it, but I had a few fun times.  And after our conversation, I found out he has too...a lot more than me it sounds like (but thats another post coming probably coming tomorrow). The good news, there is this Latino dude I've been talking to for a few months (yeah, I like all flavors)...may have to test the equipment. LoL