Sunday, November 20, 2011

Tipsy Randomosity

So its an early night for me.  D has to be at work at 7 am...and I'm just now leaving him.  Why he chooses to drink and fuck the night before work is beyond me...but I'm not complaining. 

1) I say some dumb shit.  For example, when somebody says something and I missed it, or didn't understand I say "what happened". That shit doesn't even make sense, how come I can't just say "What did you say" or "Pardon me kind sir".  

2) Older men are really sexy.  I need to get me a muhfucka who is between like 36-42 who can fuck the daylights out of me.  I bet he'll be able to do it...all them years gotta have him experienced. I need to make that happen. Call it a bucket list...of sorts.

3) I've said it once, and I'll say it again. I do not like gay people.  I know I know...we shouldn't ostracize and discriminate in our own community and all that bullshit.  But this has got to stop. My school had its biggest game of the year called "The Classic" and it was full of the little homos.  They're just obnoxious and "in your face".  Fuckin queens.

4) These black boxerbriefs look good as hell on me...if I do say so myself. That's probably why D almost ripped them muhfuckas off.  I should wear them outside and see if I can get lucky. Please don't judge me man. But I'll understand if you still do.

5) Cold Phoenix...the peach ciroc doesn't really taste like Robitussin, but its not all that either.  This shit taste like some wanna be coconut Ciroc.  I wasted my damn money.  But don't get confused my black ass is still drinking on it...I'm getting my money's worth.

6) My co-worker is as good as fucked...or at least sucked.  His fine ass has one more time to try to flirt with me and he is getting the business.  I just wanna test drive them pretty ass lips one time and I'll be satisfied.  I'm only afraid his dick will be sub-par...for him to be this fine there has to be something wrong.  I bet he can barely get it up.

7) I really want Cogito to be my classmate and we can live in the same residence hall.  That shit would be awesome.  And I want the rest of you guys to be the ones I eye rape in the caf and library.  

Just wanted to hit you with something...I'm trying to do better.  But i can barely hold this damn computer anymore and using this mouse pad is becoming increasingly difficult. 

Friday, November 11, 2011

Feeling Myself (Not like that...pervs)

Lately, things have been going well for me....for the most part.  I haven't been stressing about a lot of shit I normally do and I just let things happen.  Work has been going well, especially since I cut back my hours.  I think after christmas I'm going back to full time.  My boss had decided to give me more responsibilities to "see how I can handle them".  I been knocking that shit out.  School has been good, my professor finally stopped picking on me (that bastard). Plus, me and D have been chilling hard.  I enjoy his company.  Me and Sly talk every few days, but I don't thnk we're even remotely ready to give this thing another go.  Oh yeah me and D are just FRIENDS...there's no relationship or commitment there.  But its all good.

I've been trying my best to just stay positive.  The past is exactly where it should the past.  I haven't been worried about my sexuality and where it was gonna leave me in the future.  Because like the past, the future is exactly where it should be as well. I have realized that letting shit go is the best thing to do.  Instead of worrying about Sly and what he's feeling and doing...I've put that focus on me.  Call me selfish but my happiness takes precedent. 

The only negative is the death of my great Aunt.  It was a supposed accident but the family has no idea what happened and don't have any closure.  So its been bothering her children and grandchildren greatly.  Hopefully after the funeral service this weekend they'll have at least a little bit of closure. 

And I can't find any damn Peach Ciroc around here!!!  I need to feed my alcoholism! LoL

Thursday, November 10, 2011

The Epiphany

I've been  a little MIA lately.  As usual...just a lot going on.  School, work, and we had a tragic death in the family.  My mind has been a hundred places, but its all better when you have a good guy by your side to see you through the rough shit.  I have written about this before, but now I feel I have finally gotten over it. I'm talking about my issue with allowing a guy to do certain things for me, without feeling like a little bitch.  It was always hard for me man. When D-Boy would pay for a meal, handle situations for me, or take too much of a lead in shit I would always try to stop him dead in his tracks.  I had the same issue with Sly sometimes.  I guess it was own insecurities about my sexuality, sexual role, and how I was viewed by the dude I was with.  I know it seemed crazy, but I couldn't help it.  I always want people to know that I am a man, regardless of who I screw behind closed doors. And sometimes it got in a way. But D had enough of that shit.

If you don't know, I love sushi.   D wasn't the biggest fan of it, but I turned him onto it.  So as a little pick me up he took me to this hibachi/sushi restaurant here in town.  It was he, I and a mutual friend. We had fun, ate good food and had a few drinks. Then it was time for the bill (my least favorite moment).  I tried to beat him to the punch, but he had a game plan. He told the waiter that we were together and our friend was separate.  And when I tried to pull my card out he shot me this look of death.  It almost scared me a little bit.  LoL  When we got in his truck I told him that I had it, it's cool.  Then he started.

He just told me that it's okay to let someone do something for long as their intentions are good.  He told me that he does stuff like that because he cares and he wants to show it....nothing more or nothing less.  I was still a little hesitant because it seemed too much like a hetero-esque type situation.  He wasn't having it. He was like "Damn man, I just want you to know I can handle shit...I got yo back.  Its not that I think you a lil bitch, cause if so I wouldn't be with you." I must say, he had a point. He went on to say that " T, sometimes you just got to let people show they care man.  It's no different than when you have to desire to do something for me, when you bring me something to eat or something.  It's no different.   You don't think I'm a bitch, you just like my black ass."  It finally made sense to me.  And now it's cool. When he wants to take care of something I let him and I've stopped the bitching. LoL  His ass couldn't be happier.  It's a give and take though, so it's all good. I think I'm cured.