Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Closets and Shit.....

So, to go ahead and beat the dead ass horse...this closet shit is exhausting. But I enjoy the shit out of it.  I'm weird.



Recently I was wondering why.  Why am I, and other people, in the closet/dl....or whatever the fuck you desire to refer to it as.  What is the cause of this lifestyle.  First off, I'm not referring to being homo/bisexual. I'm referring to the the way in which you live your life, in the closet or out. My personal belief is that you are indeed born with your sexuality. However, dealing with your sexuality is a choice.  But why though? Is it a personal thing, or is it a societal force. Is my being in a closet really because I want to, or because I don't feel comfortable with society knowing.

It's hard to put into words, but I hope you get the point.  My conflict stems from many things. For example, I'm super comfortable with my sexuality internally.  I know exactly who I want, and I'm no longer in denial.  I don't struggle with, or second guess my society.  You know how many people go through a tough phase when dealing with/coming to terms with their sexuality...I didn't.  I was literally on the school bus on the way home in the eighth grade. I had known I had an attraction to dudes, and just came to terms with it one day like "Oh, I like guys...cool, whatever."  An that's literally how my coming to terms with my sexuality happened.

Even though I knew what I liked, I also knew these muhfuckas around here were not cool with it. For those of you that don't know, I live in the DEEP, DEEP south.  These conservative country bastards are very anti-gay.  I heard so much negative shit about being gay/bi I knew I would never want anybody to know.  I know many of the out people say shit like "If you were truly comfortable, you wouldn't be in the closet.'  First off, we all know that's bullshit.  As stated many times, everybody's situation is not the same...and coming out for some could actually be dangerous and detrimental. However, I often wonder if I was living in another place with different people around me, would I feel differently.  Will I be out of the closet?  Will I share my sexuality with social media and be out at work? I want to think not.  But, I honestly don't know.  I am a very private person, even in things that don't involve love and relationships....and have been since like the second grade according to my dad.  However, I am extremely comfortable with my sexuality and have never understood why it was such a big deal.

So if you are in the closet,  why are you truly in the closet? And if the situation was different, do you think you would be out?

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Mr Fix it....well, I.T Guy

So, if you didn't know (of if you've forgotten) I ain't shit. Like, really not shit.

We moved to a new location at work, and with that new location came new IT guys.  And maaaaaan....one of them muhfuckas is FINE.  Not traditional fine, but my type of fine.  He's like a cool nerd...like that singer Tinie Tempah (the guy in the pics)And he has the nerve, the gall, the au-damn-dacity to have a great sense of humor. And I'm about 83.72% sure he get's down with the get down.   I see that muhfucka and damn near get brick. So, of course I have to have my little fun with him.

Let's just say, something is always wrong with my computer/printer/fax/keyboard/mouse/internet access.  If he can be called to work on it, it fucks up daily. *wink, wink* LoL.  I'm so ashamed! LoL  I  get happy as shit when something fucks up, seeing as though I have his direct number now.  He has also caught on to me....I think.  When I called him last week with an imaginary printing issue, he came and said that if he didn't know any better he would think I was purposefully doing it.  Then followed it with, "I don't mind at all...since it's you." And flashed a smile. I almost forgot who the hell D was at that moment.

I need to get it together, well D does.  That muhfucka started slacking....and Mr. Fix trying to wiggle his way in. Even though I'm not completely sure he is down, or if there's any possibility something can happen....actually entertaining the idea is eye opening.  I just never thought I would even consider someone else while with my guy, but as I touched on in the last post (I think)  shit is kinda rocky.  I don't really know why/how...but tech guy has be seriously considering fucking with him if it came to that point.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Single.....

Can I go back to this shit? Seriously....

Things with D have been going....how do I say...rocky.  Sometimes I just can't deal with being with somebody. He's understanding and all that shit, but that dude has a breaking point. He hasn't said anything about it, but I know him...I can feel it.  But I just can't seem to get right about somethings.  And it has been a long time....I should be over it.  I push his ass away sometimes, act like I don't care if he leaves...all that shit. I gotta do better.  And it has me wondering, what if I'm single again.

I almost forgot how to do it.  I mean, I'm used to him...he's the biggest part of my day. He's a good dude and I love him...but I keep blocking shit.  It goes back to an old post of mine (not sure of which one) where I talked about the gay ultimatum.  You know, at some point you have to make a decision-either go gay or go straight.  And I let that shit get in the way.   I always feel like I'm in too deep and eventually it's gonna have to end...regardless of how we feel about each other. I know it's not set in stone, and he has never mentioned it...but it's like a defense mechanism. Damn I hate my sexuality sometimes.  I would rather just be asexual.  Fuck it all. 

Friday, December 6, 2013

Copy Cat


Quick question for any of you that know...

Can I protect what I write?  I mean, I know this shit isn't much...but i would hate if someone took my words and put it somewhere else.  So, Like can I copyright this shit?

Dating and shit?

Ya'll muhfuckas be dating and shit?



Seriously, do you?  And by date, I mean REAL dates. I'm not talking about the "come over and chill" bullshit.  I'm referring to the pick me up/meet me at 8 and we're gonna go out to dinner/exhibit type dates.  I know this lifestyle is supposed to be sexually charged, but damn.  I was thinking about it after hearing some girls at work talking about going on real dates with the guys around here.  While I was surprised that they are actually being taken out on REAL dates, I was a little discouraged to realize I've only maybe been on 2.

I was thinking, maybe it's because I don't date girls anymore, therefore I haven't had a reason to go on one. Then, I quickly realized I've still been dating... but I've been dating guys.  There really isn't a difference. Regardless if you're with man/woman you should still date. Go out some damn where. Fuck all this "chilling" shit we are our own worst enemy. It's no secret that guy on guy relationships have the worst reputation in the dating world.  Like I've mentioned before, it's all so damn sex crazed.  Which is cool, by all means...do you.  But we have to take this shit serious if we expect the rest of the world to. 

I go on dates with my dude, always have to be honest.  We met at his place the first time and went out.  Even though he "has me"  we still do it.  We'll go to the art exhibits downtown (D is a nerd at heart), the outside mall/promenade, New Orleans for the weekend, etc.  This is part of the reason why I don't want to lose his ass.  Too many guys aren't gonna do the same.  So I may just have to go back to pussy full time....