So, if you didn't know (of if you've forgotten) I ain't shit. Like, really not shit.
We moved to a new location at work, and with that new location came new IT guys. And maaaaaan....one of them muhfuckas is FINE. Not traditional fine, but my type of fine. He's like a cool nerd...like that singer Tinie Tempah (the guy in the pics)And he has the nerve, the gall, the au-damn-dacity to have a great sense of humor. And I'm about 83.72% sure he get's down with the get down. I see that muhfucka and damn near get brick. So, of course I have to have my little fun with him.
Let's just say, something is always wrong with my computer/printer/fax/keyboard/mouse/internet access. If he can be called to work on it, it fucks up daily. *wink, wink* LoL. I'm so ashamed! LoL I get happy as shit when something fucks up, seeing as though I have his direct number now. He has also caught on to me....I think. When I called him last week with an imaginary printing issue, he came and said that if he didn't know any better he would think I was purposefully doing it. Then followed it with, "I don't mind at all...since it's you." And flashed a smile. I almost forgot who the hell D was at that moment.
I need to get it together, well D does. That muhfucka started slacking....and Mr. Fix trying to wiggle his way in. Even though I'm not completely sure he is down, or if there's any possibility something can happen....actually entertaining the idea is eye opening. I just never thought I would even consider someone else while with my guy, but as I touched on in the last post (I think) shit is kinda rocky. I don't really know why/how...but tech guy has be seriously considering fucking with him if it came to that point.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Can I go back to this shit? Seriously....
Things with D have been going....how do I say...rocky. Sometimes I just can't deal with being with somebody. He's understanding and all that shit, but that dude has a breaking point. He hasn't said anything about it, but I know him...I can feel it. But I just can't seem to get right about somethings. And it has been a long time....I should be over it. I push his ass away sometimes, act like I don't care if he leaves...all that shit. I gotta do better. And it has me wondering, what if I'm single again.
I almost forgot how to do it. I mean, I'm used to him...he's the biggest part of my day. He's a good dude and I love him...but I keep blocking shit. It goes back to an old post of mine (not sure of which one) where I talked about the gay ultimatum. You know, at some point you have to make a decision-either go gay or go straight. And I let that shit get in the way. I always feel like I'm in too deep and eventually it's gonna have to end...regardless of how we feel about each other. I know it's not set in stone, and he has never mentioned it...but it's like a defense mechanism. Damn I hate my sexuality sometimes. I would rather just be asexual. Fuck it all.
Friday, December 6, 2013
Ya'll muhfuckas be dating and shit?
Seriously, do you? And by date, I mean REAL dates. I'm not talking about the "come over and chill" bullshit. I'm referring to the pick me up/meet me at 8 and we're gonna go out to dinner/exhibit type dates. I know this lifestyle is supposed to be sexually charged, but damn. I was thinking about it after hearing some girls at work talking about going on real dates with the guys around here. While I was surprised that they are actually being taken out on REAL dates, I was a little discouraged to realize I've only maybe been on 2.
I was thinking, maybe it's because I don't date girls anymore, therefore I haven't had a reason to go on one. Then, I quickly realized I've still been dating... but I've been dating guys. There really isn't a difference. Regardless if you're with man/woman you should still date. Go out some damn where. Fuck all this "chilling" shit we are our own worst enemy. It's no secret that guy on guy relationships have the worst reputation in the dating world. Like I've mentioned before, it's all so damn sex crazed. Which is cool, by all means...do you. But we have to take this shit serious if we expect the rest of the world to.
I go on dates with my dude, always have to be honest. We met at his place the first time and went out. Even though he "has me" we still do it. We'll go to the art exhibits downtown (D is a nerd at heart), the outside mall/promenade, New Orleans for the weekend, etc. This is part of the reason why I don't want to lose his ass. Too many guys aren't gonna do the same. So I may just have to go back to pussy full time....
Saturday, November 16, 2013
I have been known to have a lot of "Fuck It" in my system. Sometimes when it's necessary and sometimes it's too much. I know it's not always the best to not give a lot of fucks, but I can't help it. I was tested with this earlier this week.
I have an old friend (not fuck buddy/boo thing) who is bisexual and he was one of my only gay/bi/dl friends, best friends really. We haven't really been close in a while due to him doing some fuck shit that I just couldn't forget enough to continue with the same friendship. We had mutual friends, and we all live in different places now. And after getting together with my big bro "Donny" when he came in town, who knows him and lives in the same city...I heard some disturbing shit. He was a little hesitant before telling me, but he finally spilled the beans. My old friend (let's call him "Mikey) has been out there tricking off. And by tricking off, I mean selling his body parts and sexual favors for money. I couldn't believe that shit. Honestly, it's not something I would have put past him...but not something I have ever though of him realistically doing. I was immediately scared for him. For the past couple of years my attitude towards Mikey has been "Fuck Him"...but now I feel he is in trouble. I acted "hard" in front of Donny, like I didn't care and he deserves what ever he gets. But in reality, I rode back home in complete silence.
Donny told me Mikey was advertising himself on various websites/phone apps and it was a CONSTANT thing. He was offering services and wasn't mentioning protection. It hurts, like seriously hurts. Mikey is an extremely handsome, attractive guy who can probably have any guy he wants in a relationship. I just don't know what would make him so desperate and what he can be going through to resort to having a fucking price list for "services". I heard of this shit going on in the gay world, but I never thought it would hit close to home. We come from similar families...HE DOESN'T HAVE TO DO THIS. His parents are more than able to help him, and they always have. The last I remember, they had a great relationship.
I just don't know what to do, if anything. I want to call him and help him somehow. How? I have no fucking clue. But for one of the first times, the "fuck it" in my system is wearing off. I feel like a horrible person, because I kinda threw him away after we had out disagreements and after he tried to work it out, I turned my back. I don't know what to do. Once again, excuse my random venting.