Friday, October 25, 2013

Young, Black,Gay Ass Male

At work, being the youngest fucking sucks.  However, being the youngest and black sucks even more. 

The position I hold is not necessarily that of a direct supervisor, but we have people working under us who must answer/report to us (if that makes any sense).  Out of my 5 peers, there are 2 white women both over 30, 2 black women who I know have to be pushing 40, and one white guy who is maybe 28-30.  And then there's me 24 year old black guy.  I swear it's constant power struggle sometimes...and not even from the 5 I work closest with.  They respect my input, my knowledge, etc. Except for this one black bitch, who I'm sure hasn't had any dick in years. She's constantly trying to "test" me and prove points, but the bitter bitch is always wrong.  

The people who work under us are all older than I am.  Some have been there 10 plus years...doing the same fucking thing. Which for whatever reason, they act like is my fault.  I stayed in that area for a little over a year and moved the fuck on up out of there.  Some of them were pissed, and I don't know why.  They had the same opportunities.  Many of them constantly try to make my job hard, purposely fuck up thinking it's gonna negatively affect me (it doesn't).  I have had a few of them try to "call me out" in front of others, do half ass work,and get bad attitudes all for nothing. Hell, 4 of them have been written up/terminated while trying to fuck with me. Little did I know, they do it to not only myself but my 5 peers as well.  I can handle all of this, because my work speaks for itself.  The shit is laughable at best.  

But this issue brings up that gay shit again.  I work on the business end of a hospital.  It's full of fucking politics.  Right now I am a young, black, male with a branded target on my back.  I can't help them seeing that I'm young, that I'm black, or that I carry around a penis.  But I can hide the fact that I am bisexual (or as black people call it-Gay).  If I attached gay to my description, the shit would probably get worse.  I'll become "that young ass faggot" or "that fucking sissy" and I don't have time for that shit.  I would fuck around and lose my job.  Luckily (I guess that's the right word) I can move through society without my sexuality being known...but probably not forever.  

I'm just venting, this is just some shit that has bothered me for a few months since I accepted a new position at work.  I'm sick of these hoes. 

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Little update/ tidbit and shit...

I'm not sure if I have shared this, but my significant other (D) knows about the blog now.  I accidentally brought it up in casual conversation...forgetting his ass didn't know.  No, I haven't let him read it all....just a couple of excerpts.  He told me to write more and stop bullshitting.  So with that being said, (as I know my tired ass has said before) I'm really getting back to writing.  Maybe everyday this week...I have a lot on my mind.

You know what I'm sick of???

I'm sick of us.  And by "US" I mean gay/bi/DL men who hide behind the veil of sex only.  Everybody is not truly just thinking about sex.  You can't tell me otherwise. Everyday almost, it seems like I see/hear a guy say he only wants sex and he isn't looking for a relationship or anything serious. You know, basic NSA fucking. While I'm sure there are some people who genuinely only want sex, I equally sure not all that claim this are being honest.

In my humble opinion, I believe that it is instinctive for people to want companionship.  I'm talking about romantic companionship...not just friends and family and shit. It's natural to want someone who is readily accessible (not just for sex). We want someone to have dinner with, to share our thoughts, feelings and have excellent sex with.  I'm convinced.  Not everyone who claims to not want this is being honest, can't fucking be.  But it's not their fault.

This lifestyle has fooled the whole, entire fuck out of us.  This little society has made us think that being a gay man, especially a black gay man, is just sexual.  Real friendships, relationships, love, etc is null and void. That shit is wrong.  We have been ingrained to run away from anything serious...and I won't even get started on actual LOVE.  The idea of being in a relationship with another gay/bi man incites so much fucking fear and resentment from people, that I know it can't be self taught. Homosexuality has been condemned in our society so much that we don't even believe in ourselves.  Being in love/a relationship makes being gay/bi real and many guys can't take that.  Having sex is very real as well, but you can have sex with someone and not have to deal with them anymore and not relive the moment. A relationship, however, is constant and you are always reminded that you are homosexual....every time you tell the guy you love him and talk to/text him everyday.  Its kinda hard to put into words, but I'm sure you guys get the gist of what I'm saying.

I just wish we would be honest with ourselves and just say "Yes,  I would like to be involved with someone with many fucking strings attached." Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are people that only want sex...I'm not an idiot.  However, everyone who claims to isn't being real. Miss me with that bullshit.