Monday, August 22, 2011

Sex is....Sex.

A few friends and I had a very interesting conversation about sex. Not necessarily about what one does during sex, but more so what does it mean. Needless to say, the shit got real. Lol

I now see why some people have fucked up "situations" when it comes down to a simple screw.  For example, my girl said that she believes sex is the utmost intimate activity between two people.  These same two people, in her opinion, have no choice but to have feelings for each other after sex because it is a type of bonding.  I wanted to slap the chick.  She is part of a big, misinformed, group of people who ruin their lives over sex.  To me, this is the fairytale, childhood view of fucking.  That's just not how life works, and not too many people feel this way about sex anymore.  Nowadays, it seems like its more casual and more and more people are starting to realize this. Not this idiot, however.  It now makes sense why she's always hurt and feels wronged by some dude...we now see its her fault. LoL  Gotta love her though.

My opinion?  Well I believe sex means whatever the two people involved agree on it to mean.  I seriously feel if you have sex with someone, there should be an agreement and understanding between the two. Even then, an adult knows their status with someone beforehand.  If you meet someone and happen to quickly start fucking around, common sense tells you it isn't anything serious.  Its just two horny people getting a nut from time to time. A situation like this shouldn't even be cause for a discussion. However, if you are ever unsure it never hurts to ask.  Ask your partner "hey, what does sex mean to you?" And tell them what significance it has to you as well. Whatever their answer is, you have to accept that.  If someone tells you that its just a friends with benefits are foolish to think it is otherwise.  Maya Angelou said it best "when someone shows you who they are believe them."

I was thinking if it differed in heterosexual and homosexual relationships.  I don't think so. Although it is believed gay men are more sexually driven, I think the situation remains the same. Two people, gay or straight, should be honest and upfront with one another. No need to bullshit around and get someone's hopes up, just to hit it. Want casual sex?  Its easy to find someone who is looking for the same.  Want a committed situation? Find someone who is looking for the same.

So, what does sex mean to you?

Friday, August 12, 2011

Random Shit

1.  I don't like gay people.  I mean, all those I come in contact with all seem the same.  Granted, the only gay people I know are gay are more feminine dudes I see around.  They seem to be obnoxious, flamboyant and the shit is aggravating. I'm sure there are some more reserved ones, but I'm not aware of their sexuality. I know its discrimination and generalizing.  I can admit that, so spare me. LoL

2. I really  do not need to drink brown liquor.  I mean, I can handle it but the shit gets me so horny that I HAVE to do something sexual.  I'm not sure if its known as an aphrodisiac, but it gets my blood boiling. I remember one time D had my drinking some Hennessy and that night I don't think I've ever fucked like that before. Vodka and tequila doesn't have that same affect on me...thank goodness.

3. I don't believe in having large groups, or circles, of friends.  I tend to take friendships very seriously, and I consider them to very intimate.  How can you call 15 people good friends?  I don't know about you, but I can't be that close to 15 people..there isn't enough of my time and attention available for that. It kills me to see people call dozens of people their friends and best friends. I don't get it.

4. If you are going to fuck me, you better pull out a trojan.  I judge people on the condoms they keep.  For example, if you pull out a durex I consider you to be unprepared for the ass. Therefore you don't deserve it.  You might get away with a Lifestyle, just don't make it a habit...them shits aren't too much better than the Durex.

5. People often get a very misconstrued opinion about me.  They look at my family and background and think things like "he's stuck up, materialistic, etc".  Then they meet me and they see something totally different. I have been told many times, a little too many for my liking, that I've proved people wrong on their preconceived notions.  Don't you guys think I'm a nice guy?!

6. I am horrible with phones.  I have just recently been able to take care of one for longer than 8 months.  My dad replaced my iphone twice, and every other phone I've had in my life at least once.  I have gotten on the Android train now.  I kept my last one for about 10 months before i changed companies.  This one is going on month 6.  I know its not a big accomplishment, but it is for me.  LoL

7. I've said it once, and I'll say it again.  I love sexual agressiveness.  I love for a guy to tell me what he wants, when he wants it, and how he wants it.  I don't take offense to freaky, nasty text messages at the right time.  Nor, do I mind a guy being blunt with what he wants.  I like the gentlemen as well, but know when to be straddle that line.  Sly is excellent at this!

8. My sex number is 8. You have read about 4 on here; Sly, D-Boy, Red and my ex Don.  There are two more guys and two girls. Surprise, I know.  D just refuses to believe that. I actually think that number is high. I sometimes feel like a whore.  That's over the course of 5 years of being sexually active.

9. I strive to have a family.  I'm just a family man at heart.  I refuse to jump on this bandwagon of " marriage isn't anything, I don't believe in relationships, I wanna/gonna be single forever".  Just not me.

10. I love you guys.  Seriously.  The few people that read and comment on here really don't understand the significance. I don't have people in my life to share this shit with, so I bother you guys with my bullshit. LoL  Thanks a bunch!

D -Vs- Sly

Mr D-boy. That guy, I'll tell ya. LoL I fell guilty.  Thats one of the down sides of having a conscience. I seriously wish sometimes I was just an inconsiderate, nonchalant ass hole.  Well, depending on who you ask...I'm probably already these things; but that's another story.

No, I didn't cheat or anything.  But I do still have feelings for this muhfucka.  I can't help it, and he knows it.  I have never told him about Sly until tonight.  He knew I was kicking with someone else from time to time, but he had no idea of the extent.  He took it well, in  a sense.  He had a lot of questions...solid questions that I couldn't blame him  for asking.  D was a little angry at one point, but he understood and I know he supports me.  His biggest issue was that he felt lied to.  Which isn't far fetched, because I really didn't tell him about my new situations, even when he asked. Its something about that guy though.  I don't plan on doing anything stupid, but the truth is we have a connection.  Even outside of the romance and sex shit, he's my boy.  Thats my homie.

I didn't want to tell him, but for some reason I felt I owed it to him.  When I was walking to my car from work tonight I called him just to check on him. He asked me where I was going and I told him I was going home. He insinuated that I was going to see somebody.  And thats when I just told him.  I let him know that my guy had to go to work in the morning.  I swear I could see his face through the phone. LoL  He wanted to know what exactly I meant.  I told him I was basically in a relationship. I explained to him what happened, how it came about, and my reasons.  He just wanted to know why not him, why I didn't tell him, and why I lied when asked about it.  I told him the truth.  We just weren't going to work, we had too much going on and if I'm gonna be in  a r-ship, fucking around isn't okay.  And I know he wasn't gonna hold true to that.  He understood actually, even though there was clear resentment there. His silly ass even cracked a few jokes about the situation.  He invited me over while on my way home. I went...

He was cool, he just wanted to show me the new furnishings in his place.  We just chilled, drank a beer and talked about shit.  Above anything, he is a good friend. That dude has my back for real.  But when I talk to him and thank about him, I can't help but think about how even though I'm with Sly...we are not on the same level as me and D. I know we'll get there...but when? Did  I rush? Just life

Monday, August 8, 2011


I made an observation about myself lately. (Well, I think I did anyway). Down and out shit. 

I am afraid of love.  There I said it.  I don't know why, or really even how to explain it.  Just the thought alone frightens the shit out of me.  I like to be in control and in this love game no one has the control.  I can't get jiggy with that shit.  It may be because of past experiences and what I see everyone else going through.  I look at some shit I see and think to myself "If that's what love means, count my black ass out".

So many people claim to love someone or be in love, and its nothing but negativity unhappiness.  When I think of love, I think of happiness...I think of actually getting along with the person I'm with. Call me crazy.  Of course, I know its not perfect and there will be some bad times.  But it shouldn't be constant...should it? I have friends, co-workers, associates, and even family members who claim to be in love but it seems so painful.  They are always arguing, unhappy, angry and annoyed with the person they claim they love.  If being in love means I will allow someone to do me like shit and just grin and bear it, I don't want any part of that foolishness.

The trust part of it all, I can deal with.  I don't trust easy...don't know why.  But I trust Sly, that much I know.  I trust him enough to not purposely do anything to hurt or upset me.  And I trust that he has my best interest at heart. But do I love him yet?  I don't know.  I think that's why I actually got a feeling of relief when I realized we were having issues and weren't spending enough time together.  I kinda felt like "whew, I can stop being so fucking vulnerable".  But then that feeling went from relief to anxiety.  Him not being there damn near scared the shit out of me. (I know, wishy washy). I just hope he waits for me to deal with this shit.  I know he doesn't have to and I don't have the right to expect him too.  But I still hope.

Friday, August 5, 2011


It seems I have been neglecting everything lately; this blog and Sly just to name a few.

School and work is seriously kicking my black ass. Not to mention the constant stress of keeping a 3.75 or higher as a Bio major. No sleep...just lecture, lab and work. My dad wants me to only work part time, and (he'll help me out of course). But I'm used to having my own funds. Then to top it off Sly works a normal 9-5 and I have an 8 am-11pm day. It's bothering him, but just says "its all good, I understand." But I know its not. Something gonna have to give.

I'm stressed out and my relationship is failing. I need a drink...even though I'm trying to lay off of it.

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