So, to go ahead and beat the dead ass horse...this closet shit is exhausting. But I enjoy the shit out of it. I'm weird.
Recently I was wondering why. Why am I, and other people, in the closet/dl....or whatever the fuck you desire to refer to it as. What is the cause of this lifestyle. First off, I'm not referring to being homo/bisexual. I'm referring to the the way in which you live your life, in the closet or out. My personal belief is that you are indeed born with your sexuality. However, dealing with your sexuality is a choice. But why though? Is it a personal thing, or is it a societal force. Is my being in a closet really because I want to, or because I don't feel comfortable with society knowing.
It's hard to put into words, but I hope you get the point. My conflict stems from many things. For example, I'm super comfortable with my sexuality internally. I know exactly who I want, and I'm no longer in denial. I don't struggle with, or second guess my society. You know how many people go through a tough phase when dealing with/coming to terms with their sexuality...I didn't. I was literally on the school bus on the way home in the eighth grade. I had known I had an attraction to dudes, and just came to terms with it one day like "Oh, I like guys...cool, whatever." An that's literally how my coming to terms with my sexuality happened.
Even though I knew what I liked, I also knew these muhfuckas around here were not cool with it. For those of you that don't know, I live in the DEEP, DEEP south. These conservative country bastards are very anti-gay. I heard so much negative shit about being gay/bi I knew I would never want anybody to know. I know many of the out people say shit like "If you were truly comfortable, you wouldn't be in the closet.' First off, we all know that's bullshit. As stated many times, everybody's situation is not the same...and coming out for some could actually be dangerous and detrimental. However, I often wonder if I was living in another place with different people around me, would I feel differently. Will I be out of the closet? Will I share my sexuality with social media and be out at work? I want to think not. But, I honestly don't know. I am a very private person, even in things that don't involve love and relationships....and have been since like the second grade according to my dad. However, I am extremely comfortable with my sexuality and have never understood why it was such a big deal.
So if you are in the closet, why are you truly in the closet? And if the situation was different, do you think you would be out?