Sex? Maybe just a little.....

Okay, try to follow me.  I’m giving a disclaimer: This wording is about to be horrible.  I have a lot of thoughts on this issue/topic…and will attempt to put them in some kind of order.

I think that parental influence/teaching transcends sexuality.  More specifically, I have taken things I have learned from my father and applied them to guys.  Unlike many young men, I was NEVER taught that a boy was supposed to go out and fuck around with as many girls as possible.  I was taught that your body is precious and regardless of your situation you should treat it as such. I even witnessed my dad, while single, not live a promiscuous lifestyle.  His lecturing was rarely religion based, but he did go into details of soul-ties and all of that.  The horrible reality of STD’s and pregnancy were drilled in me.  This type of mindset is more traditionally enforced for girls, more so than guys.  But my point is, all this shit my dad has instilled in my head still sticks with me through all of this DL shit.

Let’s just keep it real and cut the bullshit, the DL/gay community is extremely, overtly sexual. We tend to promote and celebrate casual/recreational sex, orgies, open relationships, and even random hook ups.  Ya’ll know I’m not lying, so I don’t want to hear it.  Of course, I don’t mean ALL gay/DL men, but a vast majority of us.  I’ve mentioned various times on how I don’t really understand the exaggerated sexual life of men who like men.   I’m not one to judge, because we all know I’m no saint.  I can still count all of my sexual partners on my two hands (with a finger or two left) but I’m no virgin and I have not been in committed relationships with all of my sexual partners.  However, I think I consider sex a less casual act than many guys.

Although I am my own person, and lord knows I have rebelled against a lot of my dad’s teachings….I can’t help but “blame” him for it.  Even though I have been exposed to this overtly sexual lifestyle, I have not fell victim to the pressure.  I have literally had people tell me something is wrong with me because I’m not constantly on these hook-up sites and apps. I’ve even had a guy who didn’t want to get to know me because I wasn’t into having threesomes in a relationship…he couldn’t believe I wasn’t down for it.  I don’t see what the big deal is with grindr, jackd, A4A, etc.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve used them all…but didn’t really get the thrill.  Hell, I used to think I was weird for not enjoying the “hook-up” culture of the DL world.  It’s like I just can’t shake everything my dad has preached about.  I mean, dick is good….but constant dick is better.  The oddest part is, I don’t judge or think negatively about anyone who does participate in the casual sex/hook-up life style.  If anything, I get upset when people judge them. I just can’t get jiggy with it. 

I hate to sound preachy and hypocritical, but this was on my mind.  

So.....

Hey and shit.

So I have a few questions?

1.  Is it wrong to fuck around on a fuckbuddy without letting them know?

2.  Can two people get back together after a break up?  Or should that shit be let go.

3.  Why are women so annoying?  I would get so much more pussy if I could stand being around a bitch for more than 15 mins?

4.  If you aren''t in a relationship, should I tell a fuck buddy (a guy) that I've been having sex with a woman?

Too many questions, not enough answers.
(Update Coming up)

Closets and Shit.....

So, to go ahead and beat the dead ass horse...this closet shit is exhausting. But I enjoy the shit out of it.  I'm weird.

Recently I was wondering why.  Why am I, and other people, in the closet/dl....or whatever the fuck you desire to refer to it as.  What is the cause of this lifestyle.  First off, I'm not referring to being homo/bisexual. I'm referring to the the way in which you live your life, in the closet or out. My personal belief is that you are indeed born with your sexuality. However, dealing with your sexuality is a choice.  But why though? Is it a personal thing, or is it a societal force. Is my being in a closet really because I want to, or because I don't feel comfortable with society knowing.

It's hard to put into words, but I hope you get the point.  My conflict stems from many things. For example, I'm super comfortable with my sexuality internally.  I know exactly who I want, and I'm no longer in denial.  I don't struggle with, or second guess my society.  You know how many people go through a tough phase when dealing with/coming to terms with their sexuality...I didn't.  I was literally on the school bus on the way home in the eighth grade. I had known I had an attraction to dudes, and just came to terms with it one day like "Oh, I like guys...cool, whatever."  An that's literally how my coming to terms with my sexuality happened.

Even though I knew what I liked, I also knew these muhfuckas around here were not cool with it. For those of you that don't know, I live in the DEEP, DEEP south.  These conservative country bastards are very anti-gay.  I heard so much negative shit about being gay/bi I knew I would never want anybody to know.  I know many of the out people say shit like "If you were truly comfortable, you wouldn't be in the closet.'  First off, we all know that's bullshit.  As stated many times, everybody's situation is not the same...and coming out for some could actually be dangerous and detrimental. However, I often wonder if I was living in another place with different people around me, would I feel differently.  Will I be out of the closet?  Will I share my sexuality with social media and be out at work? I want to think not.  But, I honestly don't know.  I am a very private person, even in things that don't involve love and relationships....and have been since like the second grade according to my dad.  However, I am extremely comfortable with my sexuality and have never understood why it was such a big deal.

So if you are in the closet,  why are you truly in the closet? And if the situation was different, do you think you would be out?

Mr Fix it....well, I.T Guy

So, if you didn't know (of if you've forgotten) I ain't shit. Like, really not shit.

We moved to a new location at work, and with that new location came new IT guys.  And maaaaaan....one of them muhfuckas is FINE.  Not traditional fine, but my type of fine.  He's like a cool nerd...like that singer Tinie Tempah (the guy in the pics)And he has the nerve, the gall, the au-damn-dacity to have a great sense of humor. And I'm about 83.72% sure he get's down with the get down.   I see that muhfucka and damn near get brick. So, of course I have to have my little fun with him.

Let's just say, something is always wrong with my computer/printer/fax/keyboard/mouse/internet access.  If he can be called to work on it, it fucks up daily. *wink, wink* LoL.  I'm so ashamed! LoL  I  get happy as shit when something fucks up, seeing as though I have his direct number now.  He has also caught on to me....I think.  When I called him last week with an imaginary printing issue, he came and said that if he didn't know any better he would think I was purposefully doing it.  Then followed it with, "I don't mind at all...since it's you." And flashed a smile. I almost forgot who the hell D was at that moment.

I need to get it together, well D does.  That muhfucka started slacking....and Mr. Fix trying to wiggle his way in. Even though I'm not completely sure he is down, or if there's any possibility something can happen....actually entertaining the idea is eye opening.  I just never thought I would even consider someone else while with my guy, but as I touched on in the last post (I think)  shit is kinda rocky.  I don't really know why/how...but tech guy has be seriously considering fucking with him if it came to that point.

Single.....

Can I go back to this shit? Seriously....

Things with D have been going....how do I say...rocky.  Sometimes I just can't deal with being with somebody. He's understanding and all that shit, but that dude has a breaking point. He hasn't said anything about it, but I know him...I can feel it.  But I just can't seem to get right about somethings.  And it has been a long time....I should be over it.  I push his ass away sometimes, act like I don't care if he leaves...all that shit. I gotta do better.  And it has me wondering, what if I'm single again.

I almost forgot how to do it.  I mean, I'm used to him...he's the biggest part of my day. He's a good dude and I love him...but I keep blocking shit.  It goes back to an old post of mine (not sure of which one) where I talked about the gay ultimatum.  You know, at some point you have to make a decision-either go gay or go straight.  And I let that shit get in the way.   I always feel like I'm in too deep and eventually it's gonna have to end...regardless of how we feel about each other. I know it's not set in stone, and he has never mentioned it...but it's like a defense mechanism. Damn I hate my sexuality sometimes.  I would rather just be asexual.  Fuck it all.