My Q and A at "Black is Bootyful"

I did a little fun Q and A with fellow blogger Cogito over at Black is Bootyful!  Excellent blog and one of the reasons I started blogging myself.  If the super personal approach doesn't get you, the erection inducing pics will. LoL 

Go check it out, and you can get to know a little more about your boy.

Priorities Muhfucka, Priorities

(A little jealously is okay every now and then....right?)
One thing I don't understand for the life of me, is an adult that cannot balance friends and significant others.  It baffles me how some people can NEVER get the shit right.  I understand that starting something new takes practice and certain changes have to be made, however, there is a limit.  Yeah I know "friends were there before you got with them, and they will be there after".  I hate that bullshit.  While true, that phrase is super ambiguous.  It fails to mention that you should have a balance of priority between the friends/family and your partner.

I have friends and I have romantic relationships.  I'm not perfect at balancing them both at any means.  But then again, who is?  However, I like to think I do a good job at it.  I at least make an attempt to make it equal.  Is it too much to ask to have a little reciprocity in this matter?  Sly is ridiculously bad at this shit.  In his case it is his god-forsaken cousin  These two muhfuckas are attached at the hip and the shit bothers me.  His cousin "Micah" gets first dibs at all his time an attention.  The worst part?  I can tell Sly doesn't really wants him around as much as he is.  He just doesn't know how, or when, to tell this muhfucka no.  For example, if we have plans to spend the evening together at his place and Micah wants to come over or go out somewhere, our plans are put on the back burner.  What the fuck?!  It's so hard for him to simply tell Micah he has plans, or is tied up.  He doesn't even have to tell him specifics. He can just tell him he's busy.  But does he?  Fuck no.  This is one of the main reasons why I'm thinking of every possible con of this little pseudo-relationship thing we have going on. If I can't get a little priority in this bitch, we're gonna continue to have problems.

It wouldn't be so bad if it was just a few times, but every damn time. Sly is so scared of how Micah will react to this, that he unwillingly goes along with him all the time.  Like the other night, we were grabbing a bite to eat about to go back home and Micah calls. Says he's about to come over  and chill with us. We hadn't had any real chill/alone time in a minute, so it was important to me. Plus I was horny as shit.  At least this time, although slight, he tried to persuade Micah to stay where the hell he was.  Of course it didn't work. He bought his happy ass on over there and I clearly had resentment. About an hour in of dry conversation (on my end) and holding back I decided to get up and leave.  I couldn't take the shit.  Sly sat there and looked like a deer caught in headlights.  As I get to my car I get this fucked up text message saying that "I'm sorry, just come back. he's about to leave...its my bad. Just bring yo ass back babe."  The shit didn't work.  I just text back "Maybe next time".  I was too upset and my nerves were on edge. 

I don't want to cause any friction between them too, but I also want my dude.  Hell, if I can tell a some friends "not today" or "I'll get up with you later" you can too.  I'm annoyed, horny, angry, and upset. And dare I say it....are my feelings hurt?! Don't I sound attractive right about now...ha.

Inconsistency

{ Warning: This shit is not consistent and has a bunch of random ass topics.  I just needed to vent and clear my mind of shit I can't tell anybody around here. }

Sometimes I really think I'm being "punked" in this life shit. Seriously, this can't be real. I just can't win. LoL  I think Sly is a little upset at me because we had a little talk where I had to be completely honest.  We needed to slow the shit down. He was beginning to become a little over bearing.  And for the life of me I can't wrap my head around why this muhfucka does not realize people have jobs and they come first.  I have to be up between 5:45-6:00 every morning to get ready for work. I can't be fucking with you til midnight every night.  Every once in a while is cool...but not every time you feel like chillin.  I believe in compromising and all that jazz, but your boy has money to make.  If I work a double, I can't see you til the next day...sorry.  I'm too tired. He doesn't understand this. We are not in a relationship,no commitment. I just think he asks too much of me, especially when he isn't willing to sacrifice a damn thing for us to spend time.  If he has something to...he has something to do.  He doesn't even fathom the idea of changing his plans; but thinks I should automatically. We need to work on that shit if we decide to toy with the idea of being together. And I don't know what he's gonna do when the second summer session starts next week, he might just leave my ass alone. LoL

Fucking with him, I need an outlet.  Thats why last week I went over to a lil buddy's house and spent some time with him.  No fucking, just a lil foreplay and kissing.  (I think I mentioned it in my last post) But this dude is just a homie really. If I could just get Sly to chill out and act like this dude a little, we can work on it.  I'm still debating on whether or not to explore things with my ex Don or not.  I don't know how that'll work.  Then I had lil dude I just mentioned, we'll call him "Dre". Dre really ain't shit except something nice to look at.  Don't get me wrong, he's cool as hell and we can talk about a lot of shit...but he's a big time player and got "baby mama drama".  So that shit is a no go.  But I can still play around with him I guess.

I just need to ween myself off dudes again, I did it like a year ago.  But I'm not gonna lie to myself and say that's gonna happen. I don't want it to be another fail like my celibacy attempt. LoL

I'm Lost.

I hear the same ole bullshit all the time.  "There is somebody for everybody" and " Everybody has a soul mate".  But does this apply to homosexual relationships though?  I've been thinking because it seems I can't just fully connect and want to stay with any damn body.  While I like Sly, the timing and shit we have going on isn't working too well right now.  It was going good and all, but we failed to realize a few things in what the old people call the "courting" stage. I know the amount of time he wants/expects, things we wants to do, and other things he expects in a relationship.  I just can't satisfy the shit he wants.  I'm a busy lil muhfucka.

I know I'm young and all that jazz...but I know I'm not the only single person who gets tired of this shit; whether its with a male or female. By tired I mean, tired of the going from person to person trying to find someone worth it all. Also, tired of not having somebody there to support you not only sexually, but mentally and emotionally as well.  I know I'm probably sounding pathetic as all hell but this is what this blog is for right? LoL  But seriously, I wonder if that is true.  I sometimes think I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.  I have friends, family, and love interest/prospects so I'm not lonely...just alone. (If that makes any sense)  It seems like everytime I find somebody shit goes south.  Like with Sly, I just knew this was it but reality set in.  I really think I could probably love this muhfucka one day....but when that day is gonna come along is the question.

My long lost friend as I call here (who is a lesbian) has been saying for months now that I just miss my ex, Don, and that's the reason why I can't really get with somebody else.  I used to call her ass insane, but now I can't be so sure. It seems like I can't find anybody else I had that connection with.  Its been almost 3 years since we called the shit quits, and almost 2 years since we cut it off sexually.  I speak to him regularly, we have good  conversations and all that good shit.  Hell, I even keep in touch with his mom.  (Sidebar:  We have always wondered if that woman knew what was up. She sure act liked it...and even seemed to approve. #Strange) Nobody understands my weird, rude, unstable ass like he does.  No one can put up with me and keep me under control when neccessary. He wasn't controlling or overly dominant or anything...but he could get my ass in check real quick when I needed it. Everybody can't do that.  I have recently wondered what would happen if we tried it again...we even joked about it.  Maybe that's why I can't be with another dude.  But, I have too much fuckin pride man.  I talked a lot of shit when we called it quits. Even though we've made up and become closer....I don't know how he would act if we got back together.  He mentioned it a few weeks ago, but I shoved it off and make a joke out of it.  Now I wonder if he was serious and how can I bring the shit up. 

Random Shit...Again.

Once again I decided to just put a bunch of random shit together again. Been one hell of a week.


1. Somehow my black ass ended up in the hospital Thursday night.  I had been having problems with my left ankle all week.  It was like a sharp pain going through my ankle every time I took a step on it.  Which is fucked up because my job requires me to be on my feet about 7 hours of a 8 1/2 hour shift. It was bad Wednesday, but not unbearable and I was able to work through it, by Thursday at the end of my shift I was limping to my damn car.  By the time I got home I could barely walk into the house.  When my dad got home and seen I could barely walk he made me go to the ER and see what was wrong.  After 3 x-rays and 2 different docs coming in,the only answer I got was that "something is strained or sprung".  You think muhfucka?  I diagnosed that shit at home.  I got some muscle relaxers, pain killers (couldn't get narcotics...that's another blog) and my dad brought me home.  I called in work Friday and off this weekend...so I'm chillin and hoping this ankle of mine stops fucking with me.

2. Recent events have caused me to question what all I'm ready for..in regards to love and relationships.  Sly is cool, a nice guy, and the sex is good...but this wanting to get serious shit isn't sitting well with me.  I was in a very serious relationship very young and it was more intense than what I think I was ready for.  I just don't want to get back into that shit.  I'm a little older now, but I've gotten so accustomed to being single and doing my own thing I now don't know if I can go back.  I hooked up with a dude the other day and it made me realize that I'm probably not as ready to just let the shit go and be committed as I thought I was. Not saying its out the question, but I need to talk to Sly asap.

3. I've realized that this "closet" door has no lock on it.  As discreet and DL some of us think we are, there is always someone who knows, some muhfucka who will run their mouth, and someone that will investigate yo ass and put 2 and 2 together.  I realized this as I was conversing with and old friend and he was telling me some shit about a dude I went to high school with.  He knows someone who knows someone, and they put all this shit together and found out ole boy was bi.  Made a fake Facebook account and all that shit.  People ain't shit.

4. When it comes to social media, I am a lame.  I have a Facebook account that I log into every week or so just to be nosy and past time.  I don't chit chat, don't message, don't add friends none of that shit.  I guess thats what I get for being a pseudo-loner.  I did create a twitter account over a year ago, and have logged on all of 5 times.  I guess I just don't get it, or I'm just weird. Either way it may go deeper.  Sometimes I think I'm not involved in those things because I know I can't be "myself" on that shit.  I mean I can't holla at no dudes, put any of my real issues out there with out everybody knowing my shit.  I'm no ready for all that shit.

Let's Get it On

I have recently discovered the joy of music during sex. When I was younger, I thought the shit was corny and served no purpose.  But Now that I'm slightly older, and slightly more experienced, I see the eroticism of it all. I wanted to share a few of my current fave when getting it on.

For the R&B Lovers, my favorite artist to get a lil freaky too with a few examples.  I encourage you to look up some of them you haven't heard:

• Marsha Ambrosis- Your hands; Let me go
• Usher: Love You Gently; Seduction, Love in this club
• Ginuwine: All night All Day
• Floetry: Getting Late, Lay Down
• Aaliyah: Can I come over
• Jamie Fox: Freakin Me
• Janet Jackson: Would you mind; anyplace
• Jonta Austin: Dope Fiend
• LLoyd: Certified; Street Love 
• Ne-Yo: Say It
• R.Kelly: Greatest Sex, Sex Weed, Remote Control, R&B Thug...etc. LoL
• Silk: Silk Time
• Sons of Funk: Pushing inside of you
• Tank: Slowly, Take my time w/ chris brown
• Trey Songz: We should be, jupitor love
• Adina Howard:
• Chris Brown/Keri Hilson: One night stand
• XScape: Sofest Place on earth; my little secret

Now, if you're anything like me and like some hip hop playing:

(Like T-Pain Said "Make Love to a Rap Song)

• Dirty Boys:Candy man; Candy man remix
• Do or Die: Do You; Fantasy
• Drake and Dream: Shut it down
• Flo Rida and Trey Songz: Freaky Deaky
• Hurrican Chris and Mario- Headboard
• J. Cole In the morning
• Wale: Downtown
• Ludacirs: Tell me a secret
• Kirko Bangz: What yo name is
• T-Pain: Reverse Cowgirl; Rapsong
• 504 Boyz: I can tell
• Lil Jon/Eastside Boys: Oh na na 
• Jay Z/Usher: Anything

Please add some of your own...I'm always up for adding to my collection!

Why So Many Partners Dude?

The gay/bi/dl lifestyle is often characterized the stereotype of  involving a lot of lust, sex, hook-ups, and no strings type relationships. However, it seems dudes don't seem to mind this shit. Hell, its almost like we purposefully embody this.

Don't get me wrong, I fucked my fair share of people in my life.  I'm not judging anyone.  But when/how did this shit get like this.  I am starting to believe this stereotype is not one at all, but cold hard facts. Homosexual males, especially black males, are so self-loathing and embarassed about their orientation that we can't even take ourselves seriously.  Think about how many gay/bi/dl guys say "I don't do relationships, I don't get serious with guys" and other bullshit. No, being involved or committed is not necessary.  But, it should at least be an option if it is indeed what you want.  Guys will live, grow old, and die alone all because they aren't comfortable being with another guy long term.

The question is, however, whose fault is it?  It just seems like society makes it hard for a black man to be anything other than ultra-macho, a thug, or something similar. (No, I'm not attacking the black community. Other races have the same issues. It's just an example.)If he fails be these things his masculinity and manhood as a whole is called into question.  And not just gay black men, but black men that are more preppy, professional, or privileged. These guys are often called "not black enough", selling out and weak.  Now imagine this same guy being gay.  This is basically the story of my life.  I've been accused of some of these things.  Then to top it off, I'm bisexual.  Double Wammy.  Sometimes I feel like if I was to come out and live my life comfortably, and it involved being with another man, my community would shun me and I wouldn't be accepted.  And it's clear I'm not the only one.

Thats what I equate the lack of long term, committed relationships among gay man, especially black men, being almost non-existent.  So in lieu of it, we resort to filling that void with multiple sexual partners, hook-ups, short flings, and the like.  And I include myself in this group. I have shied away from guys, and ruined shit with guys because of the FEAR of being with him and someone possibly finding out and being ostracized from those I love and love me...or I believe to love me.

Sexuality? What the Hell is it Exactly

 *I wrote this one a while back, saved it in Word and never posted it*

I always wondered what defines someone's sexuality.  What makes someone be classified as straight, gay, bi or whatever.  Many people say its about sex, and others say sex doesn't neccessarily constitute one's sexual orientation.  Personally, I believe your sexuality is defined by your attraction.  Also I believe that you can indeed determine one's sexuality by their sexual partners...or even just sexual desires.

I think it is pretty safe to assume that sex involves some type of attraction.  I don't even think you necessarily have to be completely attracted to that person...but there is something about that person's anatomy that attracts you.  I don't know about you, but I can't get horny for somebody if nothing is attracting me.  That's just common sense. That's why when I heard someone in class the other day say that sexuality is not defined by who you screw, I was confused.  I mean, it is called SEXuality and SEXual orientation.  It seems that saying something like that is just a cop out for someone who doesn't want to own up to their own sexuality.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that sex ALONE determines sexuality, but it is a major part of it.

In addition to sex, emotions and attraction also play a major role in sexual orientation.  You can't label one's sexuality by sex alone.  Think of people who are 22 year old virgins, they haven't had sex...yet they are well aware what they are attracted to. Hell, I knew I liked guys years before I ever had the pleasure of being introduced to penis.  Also, you can love someone without having sex with them.  What about flirting,is it a tell-tell sign of one's sexual orientation?  Does flirting signify that two people are attracted to one another? There's a guy at my job that I always flirt back and forth with, and its clear that its flirting. We touch a lot, lock eyes with one another, always find a reason to be alone with one another, and give compliments,   However, I have never questioned him sexuality. Out of all the shit we do, I don't really think he is attracted to guys. It just seems flirting back is just a natural reaction to some things.

And I have a few questions for you:

1. Can someone be homosexual who has never had sex, but has the desire and attration?  If not, how can someone in the same situation be considered straight?

2.  Can a straight person regularly have sexual relations with someone of the same sex and still be considered straight?


3.  Do you take flirting serious, or is it just something to do?

4.I said all that shit, but what does in fact determine orientation?

Slick lil Muhfucka

At my job, which is a hospital, there is a lot of eye candy walking around.  While I have the rule of not fucking with anyone I work with...looking is fair game. And a little harmless flirting is okay...right?

I am heavily attracted to a real "man's man".  I appreciate masculinity and while not required, a few muscles are always nice.:) And two of my immediate co-workers fit the bill perfectly.  "Mikey" is an older guy, I found out this dude is 39...but looks at oldest 28.  He is brown skin and has one hell of a smile.  The other day while at work, me and some of my co-workers were sitting on the floor of our office when we got an assignment. Mikey asked me to go with him and I offered my hand up for him to help me up.  And boy did he.  His muscular ass pulled me up in one quick motion just about lifting me off of my feet.  I got so turned on it was ridiculous (at this point I was still sexually frustrated with Sly).  So I took the opportunity to talk shit of course saying shit like "Dude, that wasn't shit...them weak ass arms."  I was trying to get him to show em off...and he took the bait.  He rolled his sleeve up and flexed. "This shit ain't hard" He replied asking me to grab it...took the bait again. LoL  So I got a nice long little grab.  He just laughed and smiled behind it...didn't suspect a thing.  Sad, I know.LoL

Then there's "Paris".  Paris is a short guy, probably about 5'7 lighter complexion and handsome. Not cute or no shit like that, but grown man handsome.  This dude has the sickest fuckin body in the building.  He even goes to the gym on his lunch break! We were working together this morning and he hit his arm on a piece of equipment.  He asked me to check it out. Gladly.  I rubbed around on his arm, felt up on the bicep and told him it seemed alright.  Just sneaky.


I know this shit was random, but I had to share my dumb ass actions with you guys. LoL  I was sure not to be to obvious, but damn I was turned on by coppin a lil feel.  I need help. LoL

YES YES YES YES!

*Hits the dougie*

So I finally got it, and by it....I mean the dick.  Me and dude Sly got the shit poppin.  I said what the comments said do, I told him it was all good.   I told him on the phone before I got over there, what was up...well, I kind of hinted around it. But I'm sure he got the picture.

I showed up in what i like to call "fuck gear".  I had on some sweats, some J's, and a tshirt...no underwear. Free ballin like a muhfucka. LoL  I didn't want it to be no misunderstanding on why I was there.  I was on a mission to get that dude...and I got him.  He wasn't shy at all. After laying on the couch for a few minutes he started feeling on my ass and that was it.  I took the initiative and pulled that dick out without even letting him utter a fuckin word. And went H.A.M on that head. The look on his face was pure shock..just motivated me even more. LoL

We got up and went to the bedroom and this dude actually "ordered" me to lay down on my stomach...you know I like that aggressive shit. I never thought I'll find another dude that liked to eat a ass like the dude Red, but he gave that muhfucka a run for his money.  It was like a mix between regular ole sex, and dare I say it...love making?  Either way, the shit was good.

So now I'm laying here typing this and emailing Cogito butt ass naked (just a fun fact LoL).  Sly is over at his computer desk.  I can't see what he's doing, but wouldn't it be some shit if he was over there blogging too. Just a thought... Let me get my ass up and put some clothes on...

I Enjoy This Shit

I really enjoy being bisexual, and the entire closeted lifestyle as a whole.  Weird...I know.  But just hear me out.
I have experienced more in this lifestyle than I think I would have if I would have never been a part of it.  I have also learned a greater sense of acceptance and tolerance for all people.  I increasingly become more open-minded and understanding.  Not just of the lgbt community, but of all walks of life. Being a part of a community already so frowned upon, although closeted, it would make no sense for me to pass judgement and hate to anyone else.

I'm not saying that heterosexual people are not capable of this level of understanding, I'm just saying I have come to this place very fast.  In the past I was a person who was quick to judge and point the finger. I completely ignored "He who is without sin cast the first stone".  I was chucking damn stones everywhere. However, as I slowly came to terms with my own sexuality and stopped beating myself up over it, my eyes opened. I used to act like I was the only person in this entire world who was going through my inner turmoil of my sexuality...among other things.  As I realized that my situation was not uncommon, and there were other people in the world going even worse struggles I somehow became a better person...to put it simply.  I wasn't an asshole, per say, but I was stuck in my ways.  Now I don't judge the stripper or the drug dealer.  Just how I think lowly of them and their lifestyle, there are double the amount of people that feel the same about mine.

Being closeted isn't that bad either.  I've always been a private person, its in my blood.  So, being dl is like second nature to me.  Even if I was straight or out, I probably wouldn't display any aspects of my love life.  And to be perfectly honest, I enjoy the excitement of it all.  For example, being out on a "date" with a dude and no one around you really knows whats going on is enticing to me.  I know some of them know whats up, but I'm referring to the general public. Just like being involved with a guy and having mutual friends who haven't the slightest clue about what goes on when we are alone.  This blog has been much needed therapy for me.  May sound kind of corny but, this shit is like home to me.  I can communicate with people like me...something I don't have the luxury of in my everyday life. For that, I want to say thank you for reading, giving advice, and providing some good laughs.

It's All My Faul/ Shit Backfires

So I was at Sly's place earlier, and as usual....NO DICK FOR ME!
Damn. Damn. Damn.
I don't know how much more I can take this shit.  I can only take so much fucking foreplay before we bust out condoms and lube. Real shit.  But, I have a confession.  It's all my fault, my mouth backfired on me. How you ask?

Well, when I was on the celibacy thing. (Epic Fail, btw) I was conversing with Sly explaining to him why, and discussing my intentions.  We decided to take it slow, and that involved sex.  But this muhfucka is taking it to literally.  I now understand the saying "Be careful what you wish for". The sad part is, he is just doing what we discussed . He is just accommodating what he thinks are my wishes.  Boy is he wrong. LoL But I don't know how to tell him that its okay...FUCK ME!  It just seems that either way I will come off too sexual and too blunt. Thats what I get for putting on a good boy act...wanting him to like me.

Tonight at his apt, he were laying on his couch with  my head on his stomach and he would occasionally lean down and kiss me. He eventually started to tongue me down, which in my book is a precursor to sex. #wrong. We sat up and started on my neck, my ears and I got a little bold and rubbed his dick.  So I'm getting all excited and this dude finally grabbed my ass and started palming the hell out it.  I could tell he really wanted it. Little did he know, that shit was his for the taking. I just wanted him to rip my clothes off and straight up take the ass from me.  No luck! I can tell he was holding back and we stopped before it got to far. I just don't know what I should do to let him know its okay and I'm down.  I don't want to be too blunt but I also want to get my point across.  I am one step away from texting a picture of Trojan. LoL

This is all I ask:
http://www.myvidster.com/video/1844004/Threesome_strokeing_it_raw_-_XVIDEOSCOM

D-Boy Update

 Me and this dude has the same angry face ^ LoL

D-Bitch is more like it...
At this point in time, I just want to say fuck this dude.  Big change...I know.  I have never been a fan of giving the milk and shit away for free.  Sex is one thing, but when you think I'm going to sit my black, opinionated, sometimes rude ass, down and "act" like I'm in a relationship without being in one...you have got to be kidding me.

Our arrangement was working out pretty well for a while.  However, this muhfucka began to, as we call it around here, "running out".  What I mean is, he took the shit too far and wasn't even reciprocating what he was asking for.  To be specific and get to the damn point, he wanted me to be committed and obligated to him all while being single.  Yeah, the shit didn't make any g-damn sense to me either. It kind or reminded me of how a lot of straight dudes like to fuck around and "do them", but as soon as their girl fuck around they make her out to be the scum of the fucking earth.  Double standard much? But D wasn't shy about alluding to the fact that he was seeing other people...male and female. Which honestly didn't bother me, except for the fact that I apparently wasn't allowed to.

The shit came to a head after we had a conversation after I got off work one night.  He asked me my plans for the next day and I was honest with him.  I told him I was going to chill with Sly.  This dude almost blew a damn gasket. He was saying shit like " So just like that, you don't even care what you say to me, you just gonna fuck around with another n*gga, so you putting yo ass out like that. Dude damn near got disrespectful.  And all this coming from the dude that told me he's "doing him" and he's been "chillin" with a few people.  needless to say, the shit caused an argument.  And has just drawn me closer to Sly.  I don't know where this leaves us on the friend tip....

Random Shit

Instead of a regular post, I thought I'll switch the shit up and just put a bunch of random shit in one.

1. Sometimes, I feel like shit that I keep this big ass secret from my dad.  He is a single parent (widowed), and we are very close. He knows there is something up with me.  I'm sure he has no real clue about my sexuality, but every time something is wrong with me and I'm going through some shit about this lifestyle, he always asks whats wrong.  And I can tell he gets upset that I don't open up completely.  I was a child that got everything I needed, and most of what I wanted.  So its a little guilt trippy....

2. I base damn near everything I do on rules of karma and the universe.  No, I'm not one of those crazy hippie tree hugging muhfuckas.  I just believe that what you put out into the world, you can't get anymore back.  Seriously, does anybody deserve any good if they haven't released any good into the universe? Do you think you are going to go to the dealership and buy a new BMW with $5,000?  Fuck no.  Not only is karma a bitch, but a raging bitch.

3.The homie Cogito gave me a good idea.  I want to fuck while high, and I want to fuck a latino.  He suggested I get a latino high and fuck him like that...killing two birds with one stone. #Genius

4. In my last post I wrote about  Sly. We have yet to have sex, and I want this cute muhfucka to fuck me.  Seriously, how many times can you kiss and hold somebody you are attracted to and have feelings for without something going down. Like I stated before, I believe my head game should be in a museum...it seems like a waste if I can't at least give him that. LoL

5. I believe bisexuality is beautiful. Not just because the shit represents my life, but it represents this freedom and sensuality that can't be obtained any other way.  I'm not saying everyone is, or should be, bisexual but those who are are mighty lucky. LoL

6. Honesty is very important to me...especially in a relationship.  If the shit is going to hurt my feelings or mak me upset, so be it.  I would rather be aware of the problem and work on it, than to be blind on the subject and have the shit blow up in the future.   I don't believe infidelity is means for automatic termination of a relationship.  Physical cheating is caused my lust and seduction; things that can be worked on. I won't be happy, and we'll have one hell of a time through it.   However, if you begin to fall in love with somebody else and give your heart away...its time to call the shit quits.

7. Mehcad Brooks is one fine ass man.  I would probably come out for this muhfucka. LoL Enjoy:

So HARD

It's hard as fuck to love a man. Period.

And I'm adding myself into that as well, cause I know my ass can be a piece of work to deal with it.  Between my being nonchalant, my mouth, and my detachment...I can be a full time job.  But I have an open mind through it all.  In a recent post titled "Forbidden Fruit"  I discussed this guy named "Sly" that I've been seeing/getting to know.  And I can honestly say that its been a good time getting to know him.  I already kind of knew him, seeing as though he was seeing my female cousin. But I just recently started to really get to know him on a more personal and intimate level.  And no, we haven't had sex yet. (I surprised myself with that one)

Of course, however, I have my hang ups. For the first time in a while I am picturing myself in a serious relationship.  I haven't had a "real" relationship since my ex "Don" I talked about.  I've been with other people, like D-Boy, but not in a serious commitment. I'm also a little hestitant about dealing with another man.  As we all know we men are some complex muhfuckas.  We like to act as though we are simple and easy going, but I believe its scientifically proven men are indeed more emotional and complex than females. This is where the problem comes in at.  I wonder if I'm ready to deal with it all, and if I'm ready to let someone deal with me...if that makes any sense.  I really like Sly, and I can see us on an entirely different level of intimacy than D-Boy (I have to give you the update of that one). He has shown that he's really feeling me and thats he's serious. Sly is a good dude and he's very comfortable in his own skin.  He's not out or anything but he's comfortable in his shit; he isn't paranoid about people around us trying to figure shit out and all that jazz.  He hasn't even pressured me for no ass.  We've kissed and shit and there's been a lot of touching and grabbing but we've held off.  But I don't know how long I can go, cause his black ass turns me the FUCK on.

*I love this damn pic...it appears to represent love and the ability to work it out and be comfortable in your skin.(Plus, I would love for this to be me one day in the future...mature and still sexy. LoL)


I think it's about time I finally get the shit over with and just tell him I'm ready to do the damn thing.  Let's try to make this work. Me and Sly are similar in the sense of not wanting to be the one to make the first official move, so I know that if I don't man up...we'll be in limbo forever. I'm just hesitant about dealing with another guy on that serious of level again. I think it'll make me happy.  I know D will act a fuckin fool, but I can't keep worrying about other people's happiness.  Fuck'em

Plus, I'm ready for him to get this ass man. That shit seems like it's gonna be fire. (But before that I think I need to fulfill a few small fantasies like fucking a dude high, and having sex with a Latino.)