I hear the same ole bullshit all the time. "There is somebody for everybody" and " Everybody has a soul mate". But does this apply to homosexual relationships though? I've been thinking because it seems I can't just fully connect and want to stay with any damn body. While I like Sly, the timing and shit we have going on isn't working too well right now. It was going good and all, but we failed to realize a few things in what the old people call the "courting" stage. I know the amount of time he wants/expects, things we wants to do, and other things he expects in a relationship. I just can't satisfy the shit he wants. I'm a busy lil muhfucka.
I know I'm young and all that jazz...but I know I'm not the only single person who gets tired of this shit; whether its with a male or female. By tired I mean, tired of the going from person to person trying to find someone worth it all. Also, tired of not having somebody there to support you not only sexually, but mentally and emotionally as well. I know I'm probably sounding pathetic as all hell but this is what this blog is for right? LoL But seriously, I wonder if that is true. I sometimes think I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I have friends, family, and love interest/prospects so I'm not lonely...just alone. (If that makes any sense) It seems like everytime I find somebody shit goes south. Like with Sly, I just knew this was it but reality set in. I really think I could probably love this muhfucka one day....but when that day is gonna come along is the question.
My long lost friend as I call here (who is a lesbian) has been saying for months now that I just miss my ex, Don, and that's the reason why I can't really get with somebody else. I used to call her ass insane, but now I can't be so sure. It seems like I can't find anybody else I had that connection with. Its been almost 3 years since we called the shit quits, and almost 2 years since we cut it off sexually. I speak to him regularly, we have good conversations and all that good shit. Hell, I even keep in touch with his mom. (Sidebar: We have always wondered if that woman knew what was up. She sure act liked it...and even seemed to approve. #Strange) Nobody understands my weird, rude, unstable ass like he does. No one can put up with me and keep me under control when neccessary. He wasn't controlling or overly dominant or anything...but he could get my ass in check real quick when I needed it. Everybody can't do that. I have recently wondered what would happen if we tried it again...we even joked about it. Maybe that's why I can't be with another dude. But, I have too much fuckin pride man. I talked a lot of shit when we called it quits. Even though we've made up and become closer....I don't know how he would act if we got back together. He mentioned it a few weeks ago, but I shoved it off and make a joke out of it. Now I wonder if he was serious and how can I bring the shit up.
Ooohh weee... that's the problem with "on again, off again" relationships. When you're "off", every other Potential gets compared to that ex (whether we do it intentionally or not). And when you're back "on", you get tired reaaalll quick.
ReplyDelete*sighs* I often ponder the same shit... Like damn, is a nigga ALWAYS gonna be in a room full of people, phone/fb blowing up with dudes... AND STILL LONELY??
#GreatPost
--Cogito
There is someone for everyone, it just takes time, something many of us don't have.
ReplyDeleteI would say don't rush with love. I am not idealist, that believes there is that Mr. right somewhere to discover; but it can work out if you click with the person you really like, and both are willing to commit. But one can not force this. why not take it easy, no need to have relationship panic: so many ppl like you, if you feel like then go deeper with that someone - but step by step.
ReplyDeleteAlso I think nothing wrong discussing things with ex honestly, but only if that is your true feeling now and now some nostalgic emotion...
@Cogito- Exactly! Sometimes it seems it doesn't matter how many people I have trying to get at me, or how many people I'm trying to holla at...its still feels lonely.
ReplyDelete@thegayte-keeper- I believe I have the time, I just get restless. It just gets hard when I see others around me booed up.
@Miha-I hope its not some nostalgic emotion. However we were so tight, and so close I feel I would be settling if I get involved in a relationship with anything less.
@Trey: "I sometimes think I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life."
ReplyDeleteOh my God - are you serious? You're 21 years old! You're still way down at the bottom of the learning curve. You and Don "broke up" when you were just 18. Put away the tissues and stop pulling your hair out. All is not lost.
There is almost certainly someone out there for you - that "Mr Right" that you seek. But you may have a bit of a journey before you find him. You're young, Trey. Although you may not realize it, you will be in a completely different place once you're out of college and have started on your career path. You may even be living in a different place. To search longingly for "The One" isn't being fair to you or to him.
I'm 50. I came out at age 28. I fucked half of Los Angeles before I met my first long-term boyfriend at age 35 (he was 25). He and I lasted 5-1/2 long, miserable years before I finally ended it. I met my now-husband two months after dumping the ex. We've been a couple now altogether for about nine years.
I wasn't looking for anyone either time I met my men. In fact, I was looking for a fuck. In the past there had been men that I had an interest in getting to know better who didn't feel the same about me - and vice versa. I literally stumbled into both of my relationships. But along the way I learned what I did and didn't want - especially after the first long term relationship was over.
Ultimately in a committed relationship you need to be best friends above all else - the sex is secondary. You need to be able to talk to each other about absolutely anything - no secrets allowed. I mean things like your health, your finances, your career, your family, STARTING a family, etc. If you have that kind of a friendship AND the sex is good - then you've really got something to build on.
You may not appreciate what I'm telling you now, but you will someday when you DO find Mr. Right. Trust me on this.
@pdq2- While I understand what you are saying, I'm not some emotional wreck over here. It may seem like it, I admit. However, this post was just feelings I was having at the moment. I know that at this age it is rare to find that "Mr. Right". I was more so referring to "Mr. Right Now". LoL I know being single isn't the worst thing in the world, but some type of romantic companionship is desired.
ReplyDeleteAnd like you said, I am sure I will be in a completely different place in a few years. I can only imagine what's in store with me.
Trey: hehe, "Mr. Right Now", i laughed my ass off, you put this very well. One for me too.
ReplyDeleteTrey: That's cool. Love and romantic shit is hard sometimes. You'll find it when the time's right.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, fuck with abandon and get it out of your system (but do it safely), so when you DO find Mr. Right, you won't be tempted to stray.
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ReplyDeletewww.confessionsofateenageprodigy.blogspot.com